Schoolgirl Crush :(

By XTC

Dating sites are dumb, blah blah, we’ve all heard it. But a long time ago, I joined one, mainly out of curiosity. A friend of mine told me that it helped her kill time during a week that she was incredibly bored, that some of the messages that you receive are utterly hilarious. So I tried it out of boredom and curiosity as well.

I sure did get a lot of interesting messages. I’ll share all of the creepy-tales with you during an internet dating topic some week. I did not take the site very seriously, at all. Although, I did meet a couple of friends through there.

Since I’m back home in refinery city for the summer I’ve been using it a bit more frequently and actually began talking to this one guy. He stopped coming on MSN almost altogether, but then gave me his cell phone number, so we began texting.

One day I was having an incredibly shitty day, and he made me tell him what was wrong. He was very nice about it. He offered to hang out with me that weekend to help cheer me up and distract me, even though he was timid about doing so, because every girl he ever met on that site turned out to be completely nuts.

That same day he warned me that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. According to his profile, he is looking for “a relationship” though... so I’m undecided as to whether or not he really doesn’t want anything, or he was only telling me that as a precaution in case I was a total crazy, haha.

We text messaged all day Saturday, which definitely helped me pass the time at my little cousin’s birthday party. That evening, due to my mother’s protests, we did go out. It was very comfortable from the beginning. He was very friendly, we drove around and talked a lot, commonly getting off topic.

After awhile we took a ferry to a nearby island and went to his friends’ house to get high. That was an, interesting... experience. We weren’t there too long, I think that he sensed that I was uncomfortable. They seemed like nice people, but being high in a large group of strangers makes me feel incredibly shy sometimes.

Driving back to the ferry was incredibly creepy. There was fog that went about three feet high on the road, and the roads were windy, twisting through the woods. Very first-episode-of-the-vampire-diaries-esque.

When I told him this, he suddenly grabbed my side to try to scare me when I wasn’t looking. I think that there was some definite flirting going on, he would find ways in the conversation to casually touch me; which was slightly unexpected.

I couldn’t go back home high while my mother was still awake, so we went to a tourist lookout spot in town to hang out. The flirting continued while there, we kept getting so close, which drove me crazy. Finally, though, he did kiss me. A lot of making out then persisted.

All was going incredibly well until, while kissing my neck, he suddenly looked up and stopped. Slightly concerned, I asked what was wrong. He replied with, “There’s somebody out there.” Sure enough, some creepy older man was standing outside of the car, simply... watching us...

Needless to say we peeled the hell outta that place. It worked out for the best though because not only did it make a good story to tell, but I also got an excuse to see his apartment! Beds always make a much better make-out spot.

We didn’t have sex, as much as I was tempted to. He claimed that he didn’t want to the first night we met anyways. But the fooling around was still quite fun, he turned me on a lotttttt, all without even going under my pants! That’s a bit of a rare quality it seems.

After that night we still text messaged quite a bit. A couple of days later he messaged me at like 8am saying good morning, even though he knew that I was asleep. I found that very cute. We hung out again that night as well.

There was a lot of driving involved. Apparently he loves driving. The only issue with it is that I tend to have to pee a lot. I found out the hard way that the Saint John Airport is NOT open 24 hours.

We went to a lighthouse on the peak of the bay, which seemed slightly... romantic? I don’t know. But it was incredibly foggy so you could not see very much, and the fog horn kept going off every few minutes.

It was all sort of creepy. I have been watching way too many episodes of Criminal Minds lately, so I was slightly paranoid being there. So even though we were having a very fun make out session, I made him take me back to town. If I’m going to have fun with a boy, I want to do it somewhere that I feel completely comfortable.

Once again, we returned to his apartment. And, of course, once again, there was some fun involved. I had to be cautious though because his bottom lip was sore from me biting it too hard last time.

Then, while we were caught up in the moment, he TOLD ME to bite it. So... I did... apparently too hard enough, because it obviously caused him quite a bit of pain. I felt pretty horrible afterwards. But after a few minutes we did continue doing what we were doing. That’s not a total deal breaker, right?

I wanted to have sex with him SO much, to let him touch me soooo much. He seemed to want it too; he repeatedly told me how much he wanted me. When I returned the words in a calmer moment, he seemed sort of surprised and asked what I like about him.

Although he clearly wanted to have sex with me, he didn’t pressure it. In fact, at one point he even said, “I don’t even want to have sex with you right now, I just want to touch you, and make you so wet, and give you pleasure, so bad.” I wanted it so bad too, but sadly, Mother Nature did not.

I wasn’t about to let him be hard for over an hour straight and not get anything though, so we ended up titty fucking. I could have just given him head, but I don’t think that he expected me to go that far, so the breast thing just sort of happened.

From what I could tell he absolutely loved it. His face alone would have told me that. He moaned a lot, and pretty much flat out told me that it was absolutely amazing. Multiple times. I let him cum in my mouth, and he gave me a little peck on the lips afterwards, then laid his head on my chest for a few minutes prior to taking me home.

Now that Mother Nature is almost through with her curse for this month I am badly craving him. I didn’t get home until about 8am that morning. We were out together all night. He offered for me to just sleep there, but I knew that that wouldn’t sit very well with my mother, she was worried enough as it was.

The next day I realized that he got up for work at, like, 6am the morning previous. He had literally been up for over 24 hours straight. Which made me feel kind of bad... but I’m hoping that it means that he’s at least a little into me.

We haven’t talked too much since then, but he also worked 14 hour long shifts both of the following days. Yesterday was a national holiday and he texted me to wish me a happy day, but by the time I saw it and replied he was getting drunk with his family. So, clearly, he wasn’t in the best texting state. He kept leaving his phone and such, and was clearly wasted, and with family, so I left him alone.

I am very much so hoping that he messages me today, or maybe tomorrow. Just... sometime soon. I am definitely over thinking it. It sucks. I am just very into him. In fact, I am probably too into him.

There is no doubt in my mind that it would be an incredibly fun, comfortable, and hot fuck. But I genuinely enjoy my time with him, like, I actually sort of like him. I’m quite scared that if I DO sleep with him, serious feelings may eventually develop.

He doesn’t even seem like the kind of guy to just fool around. Maybe I will be a special case? I have absolutely no idea. He is just so easy to talk to, and so nice. One time, when we were making out, he complained that I always close my eyes and he can’t see into them. And then the next time we saw each other, he told me to open my eyes and look into his.

Guys don’t normally say that sort of shit if they are looking for non-committal sex, I don’t think. Part of me is just like, “RUN” because I am very petrified of falling for him and him not liking me back, like what normally happens. Okay, what always happens.

There’s not much that I can do though, really. I can’t be like, “So, what is this?” after only hanging out two times, even if one of them did last like seven hours. And if I just stop hanging out with him or trying I will definitely regret it. Ugh, I hate risks, it’s scary.

As the lovely Disco pointed out to me, the best thing to probably do is to assume that it is only a fling, and if it turns into more, then it turns into more. I will just stay neutral and not act like it’s totally casual but not act like it’s serious either. And just... hope for the better... Surely, with all of my bad luck with men something will work out well sometime very soon!

Anyways, I hope that I see him soon.

Any advice is very much so welcomed!