F.U.I.

by Disco

Intoxicated sex... I can tell you a really gnarly story about this one.

Back when I was dating George (which, if you read this post you'll know I was never actually interested in him but instead was semi-pressured/fairly-disturbed at the time) I had a night where I drank too much vodka. Honestly, this was the second time this had happened and I ended up in the bathroom, on the floor, passing out - this is where the fucked up part starts coming in - praying no one would find me so that I could die there. When someone did find me and the ambulance staff arrived, I was too drunk to speak, to do anything to show how I was feeling except scream. That was all I could do. I wanted to tell them, calmly, leave me alone, just put me in my room and leave me alone, I'm fine - but I wasn't able to. I could just scream bloody murder and try to get away from them.

Somewhere in there I passed out and puked a lot of blood and a few hours later I woke up. George witnessed all of this, along with our friend - who I was actually in love with at the time, and who was a very sweet man to me (in fact we later went hitch hiking together) and who I actually wanted to be my boyfriend, not George... not George at all.

But what disturbs me is that George saw all of this. He and the other boy came to the hospital in the ambulance with me, saw me puking blood and vomit, bleeding from the IV, crying, passing out - and hours upon hours later when I woke up and was discharged we went back to his room because nobody wanted to leave me alone, and I tried to go to sleep...

And George coerced me into giving him a blowjob.

Fresh from the blood & vomit campaign, still smelling of it, blood spatters caked on my arms, he had me give him a blowjob, and I hated myself enough that I didn't care anymore, and I did.

One of the worst nights of my life I can remember - so ridiculously sordid. But now that I've gotten that out of the way, and keeping in mind that my first encounter with George, which you can see in the previous post, was also an intoxicated encounter you shall know that sometimes intoxicated sex is a very, very bad idea. It has everything to do with how you feel about yourself, though, because...

During my relationship with Jack, we would sometimes go out drinking together and for a very brief period we smoked weed together (but the ultimate decision was that we didn't like it, as it didn't mesh well with my depression and his aversion to all drugs in an attempt to stay clean from one particular drug he had been addicted to years ago.) When I drink -only a small few and not enough to get me hospitalized - I get very horny and I am also inclined to having a more open mind, like anybody else. And therefore, especially during the beginning stages when my body was still very closed off and I was still very wary about sexual encounters, sex with Disco when she'd had a few was the best sex. And to this day it probably still is. I still love having a few drinks, going home and sending Jack naughty messages. Just-barely drunken horniness and sex can be some of the best and I totally reccomend it, while keeping in mind how it all depends on how you feel about the person you're with but mostly how you feel about yourself. You have to trust yourself, above anything. If you trust yourself, you're free.