by Disco
Last night I got boned. This was my first full on sex since Jack, the ex. I feel two ways about it, but first let me tell you how it all went down.
Remember that guy who gave me three orgasms and didn't ask for anything in return? Well we got to talking again last night and he invited me out to ice cream with him (aww) so, you know. Three orgasms, little to nothing needed in return... I went. We hung out, played a couple games, walked around, had a beer, and then finally made it back to his place. We watched Youtube videos and cuddled for a while until the inevitable happened.
Making out.
And then... he put his hand between my legs. And I spread, baby, easy like margarine. But somewhere between that, a bit of sucking, and some fingering, he was fucking my hands when I asked him - quite on this week's topic - 'Do you have a condom?' I don't know why it was so easy to say because I thought I would wait longer before sleeping with a new person - but he went and got a condom and then slid right inside.
He was long. It hurt a bit. But I asked him to slow down, we changed up positions a few times, and it was fine. And kind of hot as he was fully naked but I still had my dress on, which somehow made me feel in control. He came before me but pulled out and promptly made sure that was rectified - ahh, sweet orgasm. We cuddled for about 10 minutes after, making out periodically, before I got up and he drove me home.
Today, like I said, I feel two ways. One, I feel empowered, relaxed and freaking awesome. Two, I feel like I betrayed Jack somehow... Like I didn't wait long enough in order to prove my love... But I got to bang a British boy!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Boned.
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2 comments:
The first time with someone after a partnership has ended can be very surreal, yes. But sometimes, I think, it's a necessary part of the healing. Best done when ready of course, but for me, it's kind of like taking command of my own sexuality again, making a statement to myself that my sexual happiness no longer has to be connected to an ex.
In cases where said ex also happened to be a jerk, this because especially important for me.
I think 'proving love' is a glorious thing, but there also comes a time when one has to take a deep breath, make the next step, find a place where that next step is a Good and Healthy Thing To Do, and keep 'proving love' from becoming 'stagnating attachment.'
Oh, I like that phrase 'stagnating attachment.' Parasitic, eh? I don't want to be that person...
I agree that it's an important first step to regaining your own sexuality and if I remember the next day correctly, I felt pretty damned independent and awesome about myself. But I think there is that funny disconnect when you realise, oh, god, I really am moving on... And maybe doing this ruins my chances of reconciliation (where wanted.)
This guy was totally not a bad first-after-breakup experience, tho :P
- Disco
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