By XTC
Alright! So, I owe you all an official explanation on what the heck happened to me. Well, as Disco and Glitterbella know, I have felt kind of... down... lately. I have a lot of personal issues occurring including my mother not having a job and being absolutely broke and having breakdowns in front of me, my father not talking to me, and my aunt being very sick. Sometimes I feel very trapped inside all of it, like there is no escape.
I began hanging out with Mr. Schoolgirl-Crush. You already know how I felt about that. Anyways, it didn’t end too well. I told him that he was cute and he replied with an explanation as to how he does not like me that way. I was sort of incredibly confused considering every time we hung out he made a move on me. I could understand him telling me that he didn’t want a relationship, but he seemed to not want anything at all.
This shouldn’t have affected me as much as it did... I should have immediately cut my ties and deemed it his loss. But considering my vulnerable state and how much I was completely crushing on him, I got very upset. Every guy that I genuinely like tends to never like me back, so I was very discouraged. I did not understand why this had to happen with him too, let alone the night before I went away on a trip that I had been looking forward to for a very long time.
We ended up getting into a big argument, which I was afraid may have potentially ruined any future chance with him, or even any chances for a friendship. He had a lot of stuff going on at the time and we were both very emotional for some reason and discussing anything at that time was simply a bad idea. Thankfully though, since I have returned from my trip he has spoken to me and we’ve made some small talk. We haven’t hung out, I’m not sure when we will or if we should just yet, but he at least seems to be quite open to the idea, which at least provides some comfort in the fact that I didn’t completely fuck it ALL up. I enjoyed hanging out with him and smoking up and talking, sexually or not.
At the time of our argument though, after my breakdown, all that was left for me to do was to not think about him, to try to distract myself. Clearly, nothing that I could say or do would make anything any better at that moment, we both needed to just have some time to calm down. So after some moping and such, I went on my little trip with the intention of having a hella wicked time.
I bought lots of cute things, including some dresses which were muchly needed. The concert was absolutely AMAZING. I tried some new and interesting food, and of course, got to spend some time with the ladies.
The part of the trip that would interest you, however, is a boy who I met there. For as long as I can remember consistently using MSN there is a guy who has been on it, who I talk to on a rather regular basis, and is from the area in which I was vacationing to. I planned on hanging out with him once last summer but when I was around I never found the opportunity. So this time I was determined to finally do so!
So on a more quiet evening where we were all just sort of doing our own thing and relaxing, I arranged a hang-out session. This concerned Disco and Glitterbella some; perhaps it wasn’t the MOST intelligent thing to do, but at the moment I was wickedly exhausted and just wanted to make the most out of every moment.
As soon as we saw each other he gave me a hug, then we proceeded to do a little bit of sightseeing. After awhile, we ended up at his place and took his dog for a walk, during which he held my hand. It was then that I was pretty much like, “Yup, we’re gonna bang.”
And so we did. Of course! It wasn’t immediate... there was a fair amount of cuddling and foreplay that proceeded it. But once it did begin to happen, I felt completely into it. I wanted to spend daysssss in his bed, it was soooo comfortable. We cleaned up together, he let me use his mouthwash and wear his housecoat, sort of made me feel like an old married couple... haha.
We proceeded to have sex two more times though. That was sort of my fault... I got into the mood and was SO not ready to sleep! So I was showing him the toys that I had bought earlier that day at an amazing sex shop I visited, and things just proceeded from there. Using a vibrator during sex = the BEST idea EVER. I actually had an orgasm, which is something that I had never done with a guy before.
The sex itself was very enjoyable. Lots of different positions and I actually enjoyed being on top, which is something that I usually feel a little uncomfortable with. I just didn’t really care with him. He is quite silly but also quite sweet and flattering. I’m not used to men telling me that I am beautiful or anything like that.
For once, I also slept well. I normally cannot sleep when I am sharing a bed with somebody, let alone a guy, let alone if we are too close to each other. When I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to stay awake any longer, I chose my favourite pillow and lay down. He told me that I could switch it with the pillow beside it, so that I’d be closer to him. He then pulled my head on top of his chest and held me tight and I fell asleep almost immediately. I remember changing positions once, when I woke up like that and my side hurt a little, so I turned, and he turned too, still holding me, and I fell right back to sleep. This was all quite surprising.
All in all, it was a very enjoyable experience. He spent a lot of time admiring my body, which made me feel a little insecure at first but turned out to be very flattering and empowering. There were lots of little non-sexual kisses. On the drive back into town he held my hand or had his hand on my thigh almost the entire time. I hadn’t just randomly held hands with a guy in a very long time prior to him, so it was a little weird.
Leaving to go home completely sucked. I absolutely adore that city, I feel so much more at home there. I have talked to him a couple of times since I returned home though. The first time he told me to come back like twice, and sent me a picture that he took of us together, which I found to be quite cute. The second time, he didn’t really have much to say at all... So I’m a little confused.
I am not looking for a long distance relationship but it would be nice to know that he likes me, and to have the possibility of seeing him again if I ever return to town. I guess we will just have to wait and see. For future reference, I am going to call him Alejandro. This is not to imply anything specific, but the next morning while we were driving this song came on and he said that it was for me, since I was seeing Lady Gaga live that night. So, yeah, it’s easy to remember!
Anyways! I think that that is pretty much the summary of it all... Time to watch True Blood! <3
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