Wrap It Up

by Disco

Unsafe sex? Oh, my.

Have I had it? Yes. Two guys. One, when I lost my virginity, as we've spoken about. MISTAKE. MIS. TAKE. If I could mulligan that, I totally would.

The other guy was Jack. Jack and I had an interesting issue because he was too big for me and he wasn't buying lubricated condoms so it was a bad issue and there was some tearing. At first I thought I had an STD because I was bleeding after sex every time, so I went to the clinic and she tested me but also informed me I had been torn in a few places and that was causing the bleeding. The tests came back negative. She told me to buy lube, so I did.

After that, I'm not 100% sure why the condoms disappeared, but I think I associated them with the discomfort. And we were exclusive by that point, both tested, and I was on the pill. So there was a level of protection going on. After Jack and I broke up, of course, we reverted back to condom use as that promise of exclusivity was gone.

But with the exception of these two gentlemen - one a mistake, one a thoroughly discussed decision with much careful planning and a lot of him asking 'Did you take your pill today?' - I have always had any man wrap it. Now I am not so far as to asking a man to wrap it for a blowjob, although perhaps I should be now if I am going to be doing more of a casual thing... Safety is of the utmost importance, especially in this day & age. I am lucky I've gotten away with it in the past. But I won't bet on luck in the future.

Unsafe sex? Sooooo Guilty

By Glitterbella

From the time i lost my virginity to my most recent sexcapades, I've never successfully use condoms. Like i said, Guilty. When I lost it, I didn't really know better. The next guy, who I really can't believe I didn't get an STD from, I don't really have an excuse for, except I reaaaally wanted to sleep with him. Third Guy, I was in a long term relationship with. And we DID try. But whenever we did, the condom would pop off. Couldn't find a bigger size, and we were exclusive (And he was a virgin - I got tested) so we stopped.

Fast forward 2 plus years. Relationship ends. And I hook up with my "Mistake from last summer" It was delicious never-ending constant sex. Condoms just didn't work with the way we had sex. The only reason he was a mistake is because he is that long term ex's best friend and roommate. Yeah. like I said mistake. Definitely my favourite mistake . Two bad it couldn't last more then two weekends.

My mistake from last fall….The biggest one, in my opinion.I'll skip the details, but alcohol was involved, condoms were not. it was a one night thing, by my choice. I don't like being used. This is the source of the STD I mentioned previously. He won't admit it, but the timing fits, and he lied about his test. The test takes five days. He said he got his results the same day. I call bullshit on that.

And finally, the mistake from 3 weeks ago. I remember asking if he had one, because we had discussed it previously, and we had agreed that we would use one, and it was also decided that he was going to bring it. He didn't. But stupid me, He was a notch I reallllly wanted on my bedpost. Shame it wasn't any good.

Now, in my defence. I am on Depo Provera and have been since just after loosing my virginity. The chances of me getting pregnant are nil. The STD thing….I've learned my lesson (after several lectures from Disco and XTC) and bought condoms for the first time. I will use them for ALL hook ups. But if i'm in an exclucive relationship again...I really can't say I will.

*Boy update*

3,2,1. I am down to ONE boy. Pintsize (Now re-named to Jbear, because I call things I like bear - Just ask my Cat, who must be pretty confused on if he is a cat, bear or man) definately has changed my opinion on him...He now reminds me a lot of "my favorite mistake," ,so theres definately some hope there. And DAMN can that man sing. - G

Boned.

by Disco

Last night I got boned. This was my first full on sex since Jack, the ex. I feel two ways about it, but first let me tell you how it all went down.

Remember that guy who gave me three orgasms and didn't ask for anything in return? Well we got to talking again last night and he invited me out to ice cream with him (aww) so, you know. Three orgasms, little to nothing needed in return... I went. We hung out, played a couple games, walked around, had a beer, and then finally made it back to his place. We watched Youtube videos and cuddled for a while until the inevitable happened.

Making out.

And then... he put his hand between my legs. And I spread, baby, easy like margarine. But somewhere between that, a bit of sucking, and some fingering, he was fucking my hands when I asked him - quite on this week's topic - 'Do you have a condom?' I don't know why it was so easy to say because I thought I would wait longer before sleeping with a new person - but he went and got a condom and then slid right inside.

He was long. It hurt a bit. But I asked him to slow down, we changed up positions a few times, and it was fine. And kind of hot as he was fully naked but I still had my dress on, which somehow made me feel in control. He came before me but pulled out and promptly made sure that was rectified - ahh, sweet orgasm. We cuddled for about 10 minutes after, making out periodically, before I got up and he drove me home.

Today, like I said, I feel two ways. One, I feel empowered, relaxed and freaking awesome. Two, I feel like I betrayed Jack somehow... Like I didn't wait long enough in order to prove my love... But I got to bang a British boy!

Wrap yo' Willy o' XTC's Gon' Getcha! Not really... Though..

By XTC

Unprotected sex - Who hasn't done it? At one point or another? If you've always worn one and popped one, well, good for you. Despite what sex ed class may teach you, staying completely protected is not always as easy as it seems.

I, personally, don't find asking for a condom unsexyyyyy... but sometimes when you are caught up in the moment it just doesn't quite come out. Unfortunately, the science-guys have failed to come up with an alternative form of protection that also protects against STIs other than condoms, so I guess we are stuck with them, as awkward as they may be... Lets face it, skin on skin is just SO much hotter. It is a whole other level of intimacy, really, when you truly think about it.

Whenever I do become regularly sexually active I think that it would be fun to maybe try to make condoms more fun. I used to think that condoms that were ribbed, or coloured, or glowed in the dark, etc, were silly... but now that I have grown up more, I understand that it isn't just a dumb marketing scheme... a lot of it is to make people more interested in using them. You've gotta mix it up sometimes!

A lot of my friends think that I'm weird when I say that I would probably rather have sex with a guy than give him a blow job. I have absolutely nothing against giving head and I know that sex is a lot more personal in many ways, but when it comes to preventing illness, sex is technically just as, if not more, safe. With sex, it is at least a LOT more easier for the man to agree to wrapping his willy. How many people use rubber when sucking cock? Honestly? And remember, STIs very easily CAN be spread orally. Babies, however, can not.

The good news is that if you are in a steady relationship where both partners have been tested for any infections or diseases, and preventing pregnancy is the only concern, there are lots of alternative birth control methods. One that has been growing in popularity is a ring that a woman can insert into her vagina that injects the birth control hormone into her directly... but yeah, um, no thanks.

Ever since grade 6 I have been on the birth control pill, for health purposes, so thankfully obtaining that was never a hassle for me when I became sexually active. One issue though, is that most women do not realize just how unreliable it can be. Yes, the box says apx. 99% effective or whatever, but that is only when taken on a completely consistent basis. In other words, if you miss a pill, or are as much as even an hour late for a pill, your birth control may become ineffective! Because in that slight moment where the hormone was not adequately injected into you, your egg may have become pregnancy-ready!

Condoms are also not as reliable as some individuals may assume. Although they are also incredibly effective against pregnancy and STIs, this is only the STIs that they are built to protect against. Infections that can be spread via skin that is outside of the area that the condom covers can easily be caught by a partner; since the condom is not covering that area, it is utterly ineffective. Infections such as this include both public lice and herpes, among others.

Due to these facts, I suggest that when you are in a situation where security is not 100% certain, you implement at least two methods of birth control. For me, it is usually the pill and a condom. Although, I will admit that I am clearlyyyyy not perfect and have had sex without on a condom.

The first time that I clearly remember having sex without a condom was slightly horrific. We switched from vaginal to anal then back to vaginal, which is a big vaginal hygiene no-no... I didn't know this at the time, being younger and less educated. Within three or so days, I became very itchy. I was incredibly worried that I had contracted an STI; the boy who I had slept with had been with quite a few gals, from what I knew. It was definitely a panic-mode time.

To make it even worse, my mother worked AT my doctor's office! So if I was to go in and get a pap test, she would be the one who got the results! Confidentiality aside, that was her job. So I had to go to the local clinic. It wasn't the best experience... in fact, it was horrific. I had only had sex a very very limited number of times and was uncomfortable and nervous... it was so painful, I nearly cried. A nurse had to actually, like, hold my legs down... The results came back clean though, so yay!

Getting tested IS important. A lot of STIs don't show symptoms. For example, apx. 70some% of women who become infected with Chlamydia show absolutely no signs or symptoms, however, the disease still lives on. It can be spread to others and has the same internal long-term consequences. The numbers are almost just as high for Gonorrhea.

I'm assuming that this is one main reason why so many STIs are not detected and are spread so rapidly. They don't teach this stuff in sex ed class, even though I definitely think that they should!

As for pregnancy, well, I honestly am not sure WHY that is so high... especially in this city, bleh. Other than the misuse of birth control and condoms, I'm going to assume that the issue is more-so of a social one. Thattttt issue is a whole other blog.

All in all, have safe sex folks! Do it. Yup. Don't learn your lesson the hard way because sometimes, there is no going back. Remember that. But also remember that you are human, and we all fuck up.

PS: You CAN catch STIs from toilet seats, so get tested even if you haven't had sex in awhile. BLEH. I know it sounds like a myth, but it's true y'all! I feel slightly nauseated now at the thought of that, ginger ale and Big Brother time!

A Break Down and a Pick Up

By XTC

Alright! So, I owe you all an official explanation on what the heck happened to me. Well, as Disco and Glitterbella know, I have felt kind of... down... lately. I have a lot of personal issues occurring including my mother not having a job and being absolutely broke and having breakdowns in front of me, my father not talking to me, and my aunt being very sick. Sometimes I feel very trapped inside all of it, like there is no escape.

I began hanging out with Mr. Schoolgirl-Crush. You already know how I felt about that. Anyways, it didn’t end too well. I told him that he was cute and he replied with an explanation as to how he does not like me that way. I was sort of incredibly confused considering every time we hung out he made a move on me. I could understand him telling me that he didn’t want a relationship, but he seemed to not want anything at all.

This shouldn’t have affected me as much as it did... I should have immediately cut my ties and deemed it his loss. But considering my vulnerable state and how much I was completely crushing on him, I got very upset. Every guy that I genuinely like tends to never like me back, so I was very discouraged. I did not understand why this had to happen with him too, let alone the night before I went away on a trip that I had been looking forward to for a very long time.

We ended up getting into a big argument, which I was afraid may have potentially ruined any future chance with him, or even any chances for a friendship. He had a lot of stuff going on at the time and we were both very emotional for some reason and discussing anything at that time was simply a bad idea. Thankfully though, since I have returned from my trip he has spoken to me and we’ve made some small talk. We haven’t hung out, I’m not sure when we will or if we should just yet, but he at least seems to be quite open to the idea, which at least provides some comfort in the fact that I didn’t completely fuck it ALL up. I enjoyed hanging out with him and smoking up and talking, sexually or not.

At the time of our argument though, after my breakdown, all that was left for me to do was to not think about him, to try to distract myself. Clearly, nothing that I could say or do would make anything any better at that moment, we both needed to just have some time to calm down. So after some moping and such, I went on my little trip with the intention of having a hella wicked time.

I bought lots of cute things, including some dresses which were muchly needed. The concert was absolutely AMAZING. I tried some new and interesting food, and of course, got to spend some time with the ladies.

The part of the trip that would interest you, however, is a boy who I met there. For as long as I can remember consistently using MSN there is a guy who has been on it, who I talk to on a rather regular basis, and is from the area in which I was vacationing to. I planned on hanging out with him once last summer but when I was around I never found the opportunity. So this time I was determined to finally do so!

So on a more quiet evening where we were all just sort of doing our own thing and relaxing, I arranged a hang-out session. This concerned Disco and Glitterbella some; perhaps it wasn’t the MOST intelligent thing to do, but at the moment I was wickedly exhausted and just wanted to make the most out of every moment.

As soon as we saw each other he gave me a hug, then we proceeded to do a little bit of sightseeing. After awhile, we ended up at his place and took his dog for a walk, during which he held my hand. It was then that I was pretty much like, “Yup, we’re gonna bang.”

And so we did. Of course! It wasn’t immediate... there was a fair amount of cuddling and foreplay that proceeded it. But once it did begin to happen, I felt completely into it. I wanted to spend daysssss in his bed, it was soooo comfortable. We cleaned up together, he let me use his mouthwash and wear his housecoat, sort of made me feel like an old married couple... haha.

We proceeded to have sex two more times though. That was sort of my fault... I got into the mood and was SO not ready to sleep! So I was showing him the toys that I had bought earlier that day at an amazing sex shop I visited, and things just proceeded from there. Using a vibrator during sex = the BEST idea EVER. I actually had an orgasm, which is something that I had never done with a guy before.

The sex itself was very enjoyable. Lots of different positions and I actually enjoyed being on top, which is something that I usually feel a little uncomfortable with. I just didn’t really care with him. He is quite silly but also quite sweet and flattering. I’m not used to men telling me that I am beautiful or anything like that.

For once, I also slept well. I normally cannot sleep when I am sharing a bed with somebody, let alone a guy, let alone if we are too close to each other. When I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to stay awake any longer, I chose my favourite pillow and lay down. He told me that I could switch it with the pillow beside it, so that I’d be closer to him. He then pulled my head on top of his chest and held me tight and I fell asleep almost immediately. I remember changing positions once, when I woke up like that and my side hurt a little, so I turned, and he turned too, still holding me, and I fell right back to sleep. This was all quite surprising.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable experience. He spent a lot of time admiring my body, which made me feel a little insecure at first but turned out to be very flattering and empowering. There were lots of little non-sexual kisses. On the drive back into town he held my hand or had his hand on my thigh almost the entire time. I hadn’t just randomly held hands with a guy in a very long time prior to him, so it was a little weird.

Leaving to go home completely sucked. I absolutely adore that city, I feel so much more at home there. I have talked to him a couple of times since I returned home though. The first time he told me to come back like twice, and sent me a picture that he took of us together, which I found to be quite cute. The second time, he didn’t really have much to say at all... So I’m a little confused.

I am not looking for a long distance relationship but it would be nice to know that he likes me, and to have the possibility of seeing him again if I ever return to town. I guess we will just have to wait and see. For future reference, I am going to call him Alejandro. This is not to imply anything specific, but the next morning while we were driving this song came on and he said that it was for me, since I was seeing Lady Gaga live that night. So, yeah, it’s easy to remember!

Anyways! I think that that is pretty much the summary of it all... Time to watch True Blood! <3

Size/shape? Does it really matter?

By Glitterbella

Sorry this is late, I had company this weekend.

Unless the gentleman in question has a Micropenis, or he doesn't know what he is doing and isn't willing to admit it, does size really matter? I don't think size, or shape really does. As for the just look of a penis, there are more interesting things to look at just to the North. I do agree with Disco that thickness is more important then length, trimming is the polite thing to do (particularly if your going to insist I shave completely. I am NOT a child, and I don't find it attractive, on myself or others). As for circumcision, I've been with one guy that was unclipped, and it made certain things difficult or painful(hand jobs, blow jobs, sometimes even sex). Better to nip it and not worry about it, I think.

*Boy update*

"Martin" is totally outta the picture. I'm not a guy chaser, and the sex wasn't worth it.

"Pintsize" and I sat together at work yesterday. It was a lot of fun, and he seems like he's actually interested in me, not just sex, like I thought before. We ended up talking until 5 am this morning.

"Steve" and I still haven't met, but we are still talking a lot. Maybe not as much as we were, but we still plan on meeting up soon.

More soon - G ;)

Upsized

by Disco

Do I have penis preferences? Yes, I do. I don't know Glitterbella's opinion on this one, but I am not in perfect agreement with XTC. I have a definite perfect penis ideal.

Why? I will admit that my perfect penis ideal is primarily for aesthetic reasons. Aesthetically, it turns me on. I know that a guy of any size can work his wand and perform magic but if I'm going to hold it, stroke it, suck on it, and just plain look at it I have some preferences for how I like it to be.

1) Preferably between six and eight and a half inches. Why? The real reason: I like the challenge of a longer dick in a blowjob, but when it gets too long it gets painful.

2) Thick. This is more important than length, really. I don't want to feel like I'm inserting a tampon. Preferably it's gonna be a nice, substantial dick. It definitely won't need to be a two-hander but just good and solid.

3) Trimmed. I like the hairs around the dick and the balls to be trimmed. Manscaping is a big plus for Disco. This is primarily for oral reasons although it does appeal visually as well. I will note that I said trim. I don't dig shaved. I'm not into the prepubescent look.

4) Circumcised. Yes, I have a preference. And I prefer circumcised. I've been with guys who were circumcised and guys who weren't circumcised and I totally advocate for the former. I find it easier to deal with, I find it on the whole more sanitary, more pleasant to have in the mouth, and most of all nicer looking.

Now I won't argue with anybody who loves short thin bushy uncircumcised penises. It's totally a preference thing. But this is my fantasy penis. Have I ever met him in real life? Yes. Would I like to meet him again? Double yes. This is the penis I want in every way. Any other penis I will accept in the hopes that the man behind the penis can use it. But this. This is the cock I will worship.

The Bigger the Better?

By XTC

After work tonight I am going to post another blog discussing my recent... activities... and my emotional-challenge situation that Disco mentioned previously. But for NOW, I am going to focus on this week's topic.

Size. The ever-debated question. We are obsessed with size. Jean size, bra size, penis size, etc.

To me, size is not a huge issue (no pun intended). I am very much so a "it's all in how you work it" kinda gal. Of course, it is good if the guy is bigger then his fingers... But he doesn't have to be huge. In fact, I prefer that he is not. Since I don't have consistent sex, usually when I do, it hurts at first, so if the guy is very big it is incredibly painful for me. Maybe if I was with the same guy on a regular basis, I may better appreciate the largeness, but for now, I prefer a good average size.

Boys Boys Boys!

By Glitterbella

I'll start this off by saying this time last week I had no boys in my life. Now I may have to many. Boy number one, "Martin" and I hook up last Thursday . He is the good night Disco refered to in her last post. There is some background drama here, but I'm over it, and he seems to be as well, so i'm gonna skip it for now and let you all know if it becomes relivant again. It was nice. Excellent cuddling skills....otherwise...not the greatest (Nor the worst) lover of my life. I think we will get better together with practice. One thing that did really bother me is that he kissed me (unless I made it otherwise) with his mouth closed. May not seem like a big deal, but it was annoying. Something that didn't bother me much, but seriously worried/bothered the lovely XTC and Disco, is the fact that my chest is covered in Large, painful, yellow and purple bruises. Martin, it seems is a biter. Fine by me. Just wish he would spread it out a bit more, ya know? He'd bite the same spot over and over again. Both girls are also unhappy with me about being unsafe. But thats a blog for another day.

Boy number two "Pintsize" is a guy I work with. Over the past few weeks, I've noticed that he has been very flirty with me. On Friday (yes, the very day after hooking up with Martin) Pintsize attempted to ask me out. He seemed a bit embaressed but eventually got my name, number and email. (yes, he wasn't sure of my name until then. Minus 1, lol) He promised to call me/text me that night, but didn't. He did eventually add me to both MSN and crackbook. While on MSN he basicly stated he wanted me to "be a distraction" from his depression. No thanks, but how to say that and stay friends?

Boy number three "Steve" I haven't met yet. But since we started talking on a dating site (Also on Thursday/Friday...Hmm, wonder if theres something to that?) we have talked on MSN or through texting almost non stop. He makes me laugh- a lot, and is willing to just go with the silly things I tend to say. He wants to meet up tomorrow. I shall let you know how it goes... ;)

Also, Brownie points to anyone who knows where I got my names from :)

We're Not Dead!

by Disco

Hey! All three of us apologize for the lack of weekly topic posts this week. The beautiful XTC had a personal crisis which definitely trumped the blog. Although I will tell you Glitterbella had at least one good night this week... but she can tell you all about that later.

As for me, I had a pretty good night last night. Went on a date with an English dude. We met up at Starbucks, hit it off really well, went to this 50s style diner for milkshakes which was kind of adorable and perfect, walked around until we happened to be walking by his place. I did go up. I am glad I did.

We didn't have sex, but we made out for over two hours and he fingered me until I came three times. He would not allow me to do anything to him to make him come until I was thoroughly exhausted, telling me he got off on watching me come - that is so not a problem with me. And he definitely made me come! He takes direction very well. Also, during the course of this, we also talked about everything - how his previous girlfriends have been fairly g-rated, how my sex life in comparison has been very not, how many people we've slept with, what our fantasies are, what is the craziest thing we've ever done... After I felt too sensitive for further... probing... I gave him a nice, sloppy blowjob and he was kind enough not to come in my mouth. I really don't mind if a guy comes in my mouth - and in fact I really like it if I really like the guy. But it seemed courteous, somehow, especially on a first date...

After that, he drove me home. I am really surprised at how much I liked him. I didn't expect to find a guy on a dating site I would like as much - or laugh with as much. And I definitely didn't expect to go that far on a first date, but... I'm glad I did.

F.U.I.

by Disco

Intoxicated sex... I can tell you a really gnarly story about this one.

Back when I was dating George (which, if you read this post you'll know I was never actually interested in him but instead was semi-pressured/fairly-disturbed at the time) I had a night where I drank too much vodka. Honestly, this was the second time this had happened and I ended up in the bathroom, on the floor, passing out - this is where the fucked up part starts coming in - praying no one would find me so that I could die there. When someone did find me and the ambulance staff arrived, I was too drunk to speak, to do anything to show how I was feeling except scream. That was all I could do. I wanted to tell them, calmly, leave me alone, just put me in my room and leave me alone, I'm fine - but I wasn't able to. I could just scream bloody murder and try to get away from them.

Somewhere in there I passed out and puked a lot of blood and a few hours later I woke up. George witnessed all of this, along with our friend - who I was actually in love with at the time, and who was a very sweet man to me (in fact we later went hitch hiking together) and who I actually wanted to be my boyfriend, not George... not George at all.

But what disturbs me is that George saw all of this. He and the other boy came to the hospital in the ambulance with me, saw me puking blood and vomit, bleeding from the IV, crying, passing out - and hours upon hours later when I woke up and was discharged we went back to his room because nobody wanted to leave me alone, and I tried to go to sleep...

And George coerced me into giving him a blowjob.

Fresh from the blood & vomit campaign, still smelling of it, blood spatters caked on my arms, he had me give him a blowjob, and I hated myself enough that I didn't care anymore, and I did.

One of the worst nights of my life I can remember - so ridiculously sordid. But now that I've gotten that out of the way, and keeping in mind that my first encounter with George, which you can see in the previous post, was also an intoxicated encounter you shall know that sometimes intoxicated sex is a very, very bad idea. It has everything to do with how you feel about yourself, though, because...

During my relationship with Jack, we would sometimes go out drinking together and for a very brief period we smoked weed together (but the ultimate decision was that we didn't like it, as it didn't mesh well with my depression and his aversion to all drugs in an attempt to stay clean from one particular drug he had been addicted to years ago.) When I drink -only a small few and not enough to get me hospitalized - I get very horny and I am also inclined to having a more open mind, like anybody else. And therefore, especially during the beginning stages when my body was still very closed off and I was still very wary about sexual encounters, sex with Disco when she'd had a few was the best sex. And to this day it probably still is. I still love having a few drinks, going home and sending Jack naughty messages. Just-barely drunken horniness and sex can be some of the best and I totally reccomend it, while keeping in mind how it all depends on how you feel about the person you're with but mostly how you feel about yourself. You have to trust yourself, above anything. If you trust yourself, you're free.

Attachment

by Disco

This past week I have branched out into new men in ways I hadn't yet since my breakup. One of them might be alright, the other one is definitely blowing up in my face...

I met a dude on a website and after much flirting I finally gave him my cell number to text. We got to texting and right away it was cybering. For the first 10 minutes or so, the stuff he was telling me was really hot - and I am trying to get more into the kink scene, and he is a dom - but then he just went way too far for me. It was a total turn off. Not that it's all stuff I wld never try, but it's all stuff that I wld need a lot more priming for. It's actually 95% stuff I wld do for the ex... but just not a stranger... And 5% stuff I so just would not do. I guess it must be a trust issue but if I'm not comfortable then, regardless of the reason - there doesn't have to be a reason, actually. If I'm not comfortable, I'm shutting that shit down.

So I did, I shut him down and said I don't do that, and then today again he came at me and really the stuff he says is hot most of the time, but it's just too fast for me, it scares me off. So I shut him down again! He takes it really well though and is really respectful of it so I'm thinking of sticking along with him and just giving him little 'Do Not Enter' signs every so often.

In other news, I went out last night with a dude from a different dating site. I went to his apartment with a bottle of wine and he'd made this actually pretty good spaghetti with peas and carrots and potatoes in it. He and I hung out for like five hours and he seemed like a really cool guy. We started making out, and he wasn't the best kisser but I've never actually dated a guy who was a really good kisser, unfortunately... The ex definitely improved with time and some direction, which is what I figure any guy can do, but never a great kisser. Anyway, so we made out and then he moved me over to his bed (it was a tiny little studio aparment) and we continued making out there and involved some dry humping and titty sucking but I wouldn't let him go any farther that that - no clothes came off, etc. But somewhere in the middle of all of this he suddenly pulls my face back and goes "I want this to be long term." And it was like "Woaaaaahh, buddy!"

So I got out of there once I mustered up the courage to say I wanted to go home (I fear being rude.) He texted me twice again that night, sent me an FB message, and texted me this morning to tell me to come over. Maybe if I had really liked him, really really, it would have been romantic and everything. But it's not there. The Ex and I have our cyber sex non-relationship within the context of our one-year agreement and I always think to myself, if I wouldn't give that up for a guy, I shouldn't string him along and use him just to hurt him. It's alright if they're out for a fling - like Cyber Sex guy - but not if they want long term. I can't do that right now, at least not for somebody who I'm not into enough to stop comparing them to the Ex all the time and wishing he were there instead (which I was.)

So... that's all for that. Maybe I'm not a sub. Maybe I'm a desperate loser still in love with her Ex (that one's not really a maybe) but at least now I know what I am looking for. A fling. Nothing serious. If it becomes serious, sure, I will go with that. But I don't want that to be expected of me right now. But I do demand a level of courtship purely to develop trust. Maybe I'm not totally out of my Molested-Girl Shell but I can't let somebody touch me without them developing a trusting relationship with me first - regardless of if it's a friendship or just a sexual relationship that's taken quite slowly. That's probably boring - and vanilla - but whatever. If you don't give it to me, I'm shutting you down.

No Comment...For now

By Glitterbella

When XTC first mentioned this as the topic of the week, I was like, ugh, I have NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. HeadBang. I have had sex after drinking, but never after drinking to the point of intoxication. I don't do drugs, so thats out.

I thought. Sure I could write about the last time I had sex. It was certainly disastrous enough to count as intoxicated sex. However, I only had a few drinks before, and I certainly and sadly remember it all.

I thought harder. Some memories from a party when I was sixteen. Oddly, considering the date, a Canada day party. I recall sitting on a bed, which my best friend who I'll call Beth and Mitch, a guy I had a thing for. I refused to have sex with him, because he was a player and a dirtbag and we didn't have a condom. Instead I moved to touch her, and he wrenched us apart. We hadn't even kissed at that point. I left the room shortly after that, and I'm pretty sure she had sex with him. I didn't ask, she didn't tell. That same night I borrowed a shirt from the host, a male friend of mine. Unfortunately I also made the mistake of changing in front of him. This was SEVEN years ago, and HE still talks about it, lately he has been trying to convince me to have a threesome with him and his fiancee. Been there, done that. (Re, Last time I had sex.)

Again, later that same night (yeah, it was a long one- an all nighter matter of fact) I was laying in a bed with Beth, Mitch and another guy and an another girl ( five people in a double bed...comfy! Not). Mitch was laying in between me and Beth and I remember him attempting to turn me on. Putting my hand on his lap, so I could feel his boner (I forever referred to him as pencil dick after that), eventually he put his hand down my pants (super baggy men's Army pants from the Army surplus store, shouldda gone with tight jeans!) and attempted to finger me. I say attempted since he was SMASHED and I was really turned off. Painful combo, if you get my drift.

After that night I didn't drink for a long time. Until I was legal, to the best I can remember. And on my 19th birthday I was in a long term relationship with a lightweight. He didn't enjoy drinking, and we lived in a city where I had very few friends my own age, and he had several. We drank with them a few times, but whenever we got home he would go straight to bed. In the other bedroom. (Oh, conservative parents, who knew I'd be grateful you insisted on a two bedroom!)

So I guess, I really have to say “No Comment” until further examination of the issue. I have a “date” on sunday, but apparently he doesn't like drinking either. We shall have to see. And I use quotes because I really like this guy, and I have a feeling that it could just be a hook up. Oh well.

Schoolgirl Crush :(

By XTC

Dating sites are dumb, blah blah, we’ve all heard it. But a long time ago, I joined one, mainly out of curiosity. A friend of mine told me that it helped her kill time during a week that she was incredibly bored, that some of the messages that you receive are utterly hilarious. So I tried it out of boredom and curiosity as well.

I sure did get a lot of interesting messages. I’ll share all of the creepy-tales with you during an internet dating topic some week. I did not take the site very seriously, at all. Although, I did meet a couple of friends through there.

Since I’m back home in refinery city for the summer I’ve been using it a bit more frequently and actually began talking to this one guy. He stopped coming on MSN almost altogether, but then gave me his cell phone number, so we began texting.

One day I was having an incredibly shitty day, and he made me tell him what was wrong. He was very nice about it. He offered to hang out with me that weekend to help cheer me up and distract me, even though he was timid about doing so, because every girl he ever met on that site turned out to be completely nuts.

That same day he warned me that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. According to his profile, he is looking for “a relationship” though... so I’m undecided as to whether or not he really doesn’t want anything, or he was only telling me that as a precaution in case I was a total crazy, haha.

We text messaged all day Saturday, which definitely helped me pass the time at my little cousin’s birthday party. That evening, due to my mother’s protests, we did go out. It was very comfortable from the beginning. He was very friendly, we drove around and talked a lot, commonly getting off topic.

After awhile we took a ferry to a nearby island and went to his friends’ house to get high. That was an, interesting... experience. We weren’t there too long, I think that he sensed that I was uncomfortable. They seemed like nice people, but being high in a large group of strangers makes me feel incredibly shy sometimes.

Driving back to the ferry was incredibly creepy. There was fog that went about three feet high on the road, and the roads were windy, twisting through the woods. Very first-episode-of-the-vampire-diaries-esque.

When I told him this, he suddenly grabbed my side to try to scare me when I wasn’t looking. I think that there was some definite flirting going on, he would find ways in the conversation to casually touch me; which was slightly unexpected.

I couldn’t go back home high while my mother was still awake, so we went to a tourist lookout spot in town to hang out. The flirting continued while there, we kept getting so close, which drove me crazy. Finally, though, he did kiss me. A lot of making out then persisted.

All was going incredibly well until, while kissing my neck, he suddenly looked up and stopped. Slightly concerned, I asked what was wrong. He replied with, “There’s somebody out there.” Sure enough, some creepy older man was standing outside of the car, simply... watching us...

Needless to say we peeled the hell outta that place. It worked out for the best though because not only did it make a good story to tell, but I also got an excuse to see his apartment! Beds always make a much better make-out spot.

We didn’t have sex, as much as I was tempted to. He claimed that he didn’t want to the first night we met anyways. But the fooling around was still quite fun, he turned me on a lotttttt, all without even going under my pants! That’s a bit of a rare quality it seems.

After that night we still text messaged quite a bit. A couple of days later he messaged me at like 8am saying good morning, even though he knew that I was asleep. I found that very cute. We hung out again that night as well.

There was a lot of driving involved. Apparently he loves driving. The only issue with it is that I tend to have to pee a lot. I found out the hard way that the Saint John Airport is NOT open 24 hours.

We went to a lighthouse on the peak of the bay, which seemed slightly... romantic? I don’t know. But it was incredibly foggy so you could not see very much, and the fog horn kept going off every few minutes.

It was all sort of creepy. I have been watching way too many episodes of Criminal Minds lately, so I was slightly paranoid being there. So even though we were having a very fun make out session, I made him take me back to town. If I’m going to have fun with a boy, I want to do it somewhere that I feel completely comfortable.

Once again, we returned to his apartment. And, of course, once again, there was some fun involved. I had to be cautious though because his bottom lip was sore from me biting it too hard last time.

Then, while we were caught up in the moment, he TOLD ME to bite it. So... I did... apparently too hard enough, because it obviously caused him quite a bit of pain. I felt pretty horrible afterwards. But after a few minutes we did continue doing what we were doing. That’s not a total deal breaker, right?

I wanted to have sex with him SO much, to let him touch me soooo much. He seemed to want it too; he repeatedly told me how much he wanted me. When I returned the words in a calmer moment, he seemed sort of surprised and asked what I like about him.

Although he clearly wanted to have sex with me, he didn’t pressure it. In fact, at one point he even said, “I don’t even want to have sex with you right now, I just want to touch you, and make you so wet, and give you pleasure, so bad.” I wanted it so bad too, but sadly, Mother Nature did not.

I wasn’t about to let him be hard for over an hour straight and not get anything though, so we ended up titty fucking. I could have just given him head, but I don’t think that he expected me to go that far, so the breast thing just sort of happened.

From what I could tell he absolutely loved it. His face alone would have told me that. He moaned a lot, and pretty much flat out told me that it was absolutely amazing. Multiple times. I let him cum in my mouth, and he gave me a little peck on the lips afterwards, then laid his head on my chest for a few minutes prior to taking me home.

Now that Mother Nature is almost through with her curse for this month I am badly craving him. I didn’t get home until about 8am that morning. We were out together all night. He offered for me to just sleep there, but I knew that that wouldn’t sit very well with my mother, she was worried enough as it was.

The next day I realized that he got up for work at, like, 6am the morning previous. He had literally been up for over 24 hours straight. Which made me feel kind of bad... but I’m hoping that it means that he’s at least a little into me.

We haven’t talked too much since then, but he also worked 14 hour long shifts both of the following days. Yesterday was a national holiday and he texted me to wish me a happy day, but by the time I saw it and replied he was getting drunk with his family. So, clearly, he wasn’t in the best texting state. He kept leaving his phone and such, and was clearly wasted, and with family, so I left him alone.

I am very much so hoping that he messages me today, or maybe tomorrow. Just... sometime soon. I am definitely over thinking it. It sucks. I am just very into him. In fact, I am probably too into him.

There is no doubt in my mind that it would be an incredibly fun, comfortable, and hot fuck. But I genuinely enjoy my time with him, like, I actually sort of like him. I’m quite scared that if I DO sleep with him, serious feelings may eventually develop.

He doesn’t even seem like the kind of guy to just fool around. Maybe I will be a special case? I have absolutely no idea. He is just so easy to talk to, and so nice. One time, when we were making out, he complained that I always close my eyes and he can’t see into them. And then the next time we saw each other, he told me to open my eyes and look into his.

Guys don’t normally say that sort of shit if they are looking for non-committal sex, I don’t think. Part of me is just like, “RUN” because I am very petrified of falling for him and him not liking me back, like what normally happens. Okay, what always happens.

There’s not much that I can do though, really. I can’t be like, “So, what is this?” after only hanging out two times, even if one of them did last like seven hours. And if I just stop hanging out with him or trying I will definitely regret it. Ugh, I hate risks, it’s scary.

As the lovely Disco pointed out to me, the best thing to probably do is to assume that it is only a fling, and if it turns into more, then it turns into more. I will just stay neutral and not act like it’s totally casual but not act like it’s serious either. And just... hope for the better... Surely, with all of my bad luck with men something will work out well sometime very soon!

Anyways, I hope that I see him soon.

Any advice is very much so welcomed!