Lets Play a Wait Game, Wait Game

By XTC

Waiting. Oh, what an debate this can be. I do not have a lot of personal experience in this debate. Right from the time that I began having sex, it kind of just happened. There were no games or holding out or hoping for the perfect moment... it just plain happened. I honestly have limited relationship experience, so this was never a huge concern for me.

The only time that I truly faced this issue, was last summer. I was stuck back home for four months, much like this summer. There weren’t too many folks around to do anything with, the only person that I hung out with on a regular basis just constantly dragged me around with her so that she would have an escort to meet random guys from the internet. Note: She had a boyfriend at the time; she was 16 and he was in his late 20’s. (Whole other topic!)

One night, she drove us all the way to a near-by city. It turned out to be an utter fail, THEN she decided to meet just oneeeeee last guy. This boy did not seem much into the idea, he had a friend with him and they were just hanging out, coming down from a night of drinking. But, she was pretty insistent.

The whole thing almost never happened because she had to stop by my house first to talk to her boyfriend online *sigh* But we made it to the meeting area justttt in time. We all stood around and it was ridiculously awkward. She did not say a single thing to them the entire time! And the dude she was meeting was so drunk or high or just... something... that he couldn’t make decent conversation either. So it was his friend and I that had to break the ice and try to silence the crickets.

We actually got along quite well, and he asked me for my phone number. I didn’t expect anything to come out of it, I didn’t want to date anybody in this city, especially with only just over a month left before back to school. I assumed that nothing would come of it anyways, but I did think he was very cute.

But boy, we shall call him Adam, DID talk to me again. And he did ask me to hang out. We hung out a lot, actually. There was an undeniable connection. We would text message a lot – he made me feel very special. It’s all a little difficult to explain and honestly, when I look back on how crushy and gitty and scared I was, it still hurts a little.

This is where I was faced with my decision. I enjoyed hanging out with this dude, a lot, and there was a clear sexual attraction. He would kiss me goodbye and hold my hand while he drove, gushy stuff like that. So clearly, this was not one of my random sexual encounters that just happens. I liked him.

I came to the decision to not sleep with him. At least, not in the near future. I was afraid of the strong emotions that that may produce. He knew that I did not want to sleep with him, eventually the topic came up. But we continued to go out together, and it was all quite lovely.

At the end of the month we spent together, shortly before I had to leave, I gave in, and we did have sex. We both sort of saw it coming... the date before this, we were at a park near the water, on a picnic table, and it allllllmost happened. I flat out told him that I changed my mind. The only thing that stopped us is that he had absolutely no idea that it would happen so he was not protection prepared. A few days after this, my mom was out of town for the day so I invited him over. So yeah, both knew it was going to happen, haha. It was definitely fun.

In complete honesty, I still miss him sometimes. Things clearly did not work out after I left for school, that is a long story that even I do not really know the true answer to. Sometimes I still contemplate whether or not he truly even liked me, but I think that he did. There are lots of reasons why it just didn’t work out well...

I am curious whether or not waiting was beneficial to the situation. Maybe I should have not given in and slept with him at all. Or maybe I should have just done so right off the bat. One thing that I do know is that waiting definitely made the emotions even stronger for me when it did finally happen. So I suppose that if you want somebody to truly like you for you, waiting does help. It gives time for many connections, other than just sexual, to grow. More permanent connections. However, this is also done at a risk... you have to be aware that if you wait, and truly fall for that person, then after the sex, things do not work out, it is going to hurt a LOT.

My opinion on this will most likely vary with future experiences. As for the next boy I met and truly like, I think that I will try to wait at least awhile. A lot of it is circumstantial. The interaction that you had prior to any sexual or romantic interaction, your feelings, your attraction level, what you are emotionally looking for at the time; all of this plays an important part.

I don’t think that anybody should be told to “hold out” or to “just do it”... it is completely up to you. A lot of the time, you may make the wrong decisions. But that is all part of the experience, right? It took me awhile to get over this dumbass boy who I only dated for a month, and was not ever even my official boyfriend! But I do think that I learned some lessons from the situation, that is for sure. And who knows, maybe our paths will once again cross. I mean, who would be able to get enough of me?!