How Sick!

by Disco

Monday night, Liam promised to come over and hang out with me. I waited. I waited. I waited. And I never heard from him. So, in a frenzied state of anger and horniness I got in touch with Hugh, who had texted me a few nights before - the first time I heard from him since that last fuck together. I'd sorted out my feelings towards him (none except the urge to use him as my personal dildo boy) and so I hopped in a cab and went to his place.

He sucked me, he fucked me, he fingered me, he did it all - I came four times. Then I went down on him, intending to suck him off until he came - we went at it for an hour or more and he hadn't come yet. And there I was, bopping and sucking for nearly twenty minutes when my lip was numb, my jaw was aching and suddenly I was just nauseous. A few minutes later, he laughed at something - something unrelated in it head - but I took it the wrong way and combined with the nausea, I asked to go home. He walked me home, but I'm pretty sure he's never going to speak to me again, my just ditching him midblowjob and never letting him come even though I came four times...

I honestly felt really bad about it.

I went to this place across the street to get something to eat, and standing in line I suddenly got incredibly light-headed. My hearing went down by half, I felt like I would pass out... A couple days later, at the doctor's office, I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. I feel really bad about the whole ordeal, I wish I could have finished him off... Haven't heard from him since and don't expect to :P Found out later that night, Liam had just gone to the pub with his buds.

I spent the rest of the week sick as a dog, didn't go anywhere, but was looking forward to my date with Liam for last night. Thursday he promised to come over again, but canceled - citing dizziness. That was fine. Friday night, he allegedly passed out and had to be taken to the hospital - with low blood pressure, that was fine. Except. He never officially canceled the Saturday date - he told me these things were going on - said he hoped he'd still be able to make it but whenever the time was he realised he couldn't, I didn't hear one word from him. I don't hear from him all of Saturday until late Saturday night when he lets me in on that his friends took him out for a couple drinks since he was feeling a bit better. That was just a slap in the face. At like midnight, he asked if we could have a drink or maybe I could come over and watch a movie with him afterall. I told him maybe another time. I'm not just going to be on his time, waiting for him to come hang out with me and just being pathetic enough to let it slide when he ditches me to go for drinks. So I am backing way off of that one, if he wants it he can come get it. I guess he wasn't as thoughtful as we were all hoping...

But! Saturday night an interesting thing happened. Jack, the ex, came online and I told him to call me. And he did. We talked on the phone together for three hours... It was the first time I'd spoken to him on the phone since the last time we had phone sex, way back in June. It was amazing. It was great to hear his voice - to hear the tone of how he was saying things, it avoided a lot of gnarly confusion. I got to hear his laugh, I got to really talk to him. He told me that he does still like me, that he misses me, that he thinks about me... We made plans about things we want to try when we're back together. I have never, ever felt as secure about the one-year agreement as I am now. Before it seemed like a ridiculous hope. Now it seems like it's going to happen...

We talked about how I wanted to try having candies - like chocolate covered almonds - slid into my pussy, and he would have to pull them out with his tongue and eat them. We talked about how he wanted me to wear a pair of little white panties , how he wants to try sex with someone watching, how I want to have sex in a restroom of a restaurant and a party, how we both want to have sex outdoors. We talked about the things we used to do that turned us on, we talked about what we would do to each other right now if we could. He came once. I came twice.

In light of this conversation, knowing how much I do love him, and believing that the one year agreement seems like a pretty solid shot at this point (OMG YAY ^.^) I think I'd like to take the rest of the year to just explore myself, like I had set out to do in the beginning. I don't want to have a relationship with anybody. I don't know if I would stop it if it started happening, but I want to take this year and try all the things I want to try with whoever I want to try them with. I want to go with the flow. And mostly, I want to focus on myself.

Waiting For My Time To Come

by Disco

The waiting game. How do I feel about the waiting game. Well, obviously, as I've said before I believe that the waiting game can work if implemented by a woman with a guy you actually like. Now, let me explain why this is both cool and not cool.

Say you're on a date with a guy, early on in your time together, and you realise that you get along with them but you just don't see yourself really dating them, and actually getting involved with them. That's when you can hike up your skirt and get to playing early, because if he bails on you, it's no big thing, and if he's good in bed, you didn't miss out.

Now, say you're on a date with a guy, early on, and you realise you could see yourself getting involved with them, and really liking them - and maybe one day loving them. You really want to see where things could go. Then, keep your panties on honey. In my opinion, them goods best be kept in the cupboard. You have to keep him wanting more. In my experience, if you keep them wanting more for a while you are more likely to get them in the end. And I think they do enjoy that chase. Plus it gives you a little time to really cultivate a connection that isn't based purely in penis-vagina bonding. You have time to bail out before you start getting your sexual feelings confused with your more substantial feelings. And the tension just builds until finally that one night, every little touch is something you've been yearning for...

Oh, goodness, just had a little moment.

OK, thinking cap back on. Now! What's not cool about this is that this is really only works in a female-to-male scenario, when in the context of a heterosexual relationship. If your man isn't trying desperately to get in your pants, I think that is a pretty universal sign that he's not all that into you. Sure, he can be respectful - and that's much appreciated. But it's much appreciated after he tries a little bit, you say no, and he backs off. Then you've got a good one, and you know he wants you. The man should be in pursuit. This is awful and reveals me to be such a traditionalist, but I do believe the man enjoys pursuing and the woman should let him enjoy the chase. That being said, I do think the woman ultimately has control and is really the one doing the pursuing, when it comes down to it - you flirty little minxes, you.

Now! Outside of the context of a heterosexual relationship, I can't really speak. I would be interested to learn the rules of the waiting game in different cultures and men who actually enjoy being pursued as opposed to pursuing and all kinds of you rule-breakers out there. I just know that this is a formula that has been out there for thousands and thousands of years and there must be a damned good reason why it hasn't gone away. I know many, many couples who started out with the woman putting a stop-hold on sex until later and they are very happy now. One couple, the man even said he's not sure he would've stuck around if his girlfriend had slept with him early on. She made him wait three months.

So, I am using this technique right now. Liam, the Irish electrician from the other post, has come to see me twice more since our delicious night of making out that to this day makes my stomach flop. He saw me for drinks on Wednesday, and then Friday night he came over for an unplanned night of - well, it was supposed to be cards but he didn't bring them. I told myself I would let him go further than last time, but not much further. In the end, he got quite I bit further.

Our makeout session started out pretty PG until the sucker unhooked my bra in one swift move with one hand. It was so quick and light, for a second I thought my bra had just broken! We made out against the bed, he rolled me over on top of him on the floor, he pulled over on top of me - he followed my every movement and I tried to follow his and it was just this cohesive dance across the entire span of the room, he didn't fight me on anything. We were both topless, and he tried to get down my pants with his hand but I wasn't letting him, until I finally gave in and let him dive in - over the panties, of course.

He moved me around, stood me up, pulled me over onto his lap on the bed. He moved my hips against his, he rolled me over onto my back - it was two hours of incredible, passionate fun and I got so into it, at some point I let him finger me... he was so deep it almost hurt but felt so good... I stopped him before I came. I didn't want to go that far yet.

He cuddled me for a good half hour after that, stuck around as long as he could before he had to go - even longer, actually, after a half hour he tried to leave but I asked for five more minutes and he gave me twenty. On his way out, I gave him a nice hot kiss to send him away with. He let go of the door he was holding open, pushed me back against the wall, pinned my arms down and made me so wet. I would have let him do anything to me he wanted right then, so I was glad he left.

The waiting game seems to be working for me, he's been sticking around and seems to like me quite a bit. He let me know that was probably the most intense session he's ever had where clothes stayed in tact - I told him to wait until they came off. Let me tell you, it is taking a ton of willpower not to just mount this man and ride him all night but I have got to keep it cool, keep it light, keep him wanting more. In the meantime, it's kind of a lot of fun. I feel like a fourteen year old girl, and it's really a good time... Let's hope it keeps getting better from here.

Éire go Brách

by Disco

Had me a date with an Irishman on Saturday night and it went pretty well.

To skip over the non-sexy parts, we went to a patio and he had three beers, I had two Long Island Iced teas and we talked. Then we went to a "real" Irish Pub (the closest thing to the ones in Ireland us Canadians have) and he bought us a pitcher. I made friends with a couple extra flamboyant gays on the walk there, and they hung out with us for a while - he was very kind to them despite his slight uncomfortableness, and relaxed around them quickly. Because a few people very close to me, including my father and my cousin, are gay, this was incredibly important to me -- and also important to the gays! One of them let me know this guy was a real keeper, and when we have babies we should remember how our first date was crashed by a bunch of flamers. It was perfectly, quirkily romantic...

He put his hand on my knee while this traditional Irish band played "Dirty Old Town" by the Pogues - which I privately decided would be our song should he and I ever become a we. He held my hand later, and I was full of butterflies.

Now I have to tell you that Aunt Flo was in town at this time and also... I really like this guy... so the sexy parts weren't too sexual. I have a general feeling that if you really like a guy, you gotta hold out the goods - if you don't like him so much, you can give it up for a hot time. But, as I said, I liked this one. Because I liked him, I'll give him a name: Liam.

Cut to me and Liam in the downstairs basement of the building I rent a room in. About 24 people live here, about 15 or so of us share one kitchen. I brought him down there because a) Flo and b) my room is a huuuuge mess and that would just be embarrassing. So, a few people from my building walked in and out while we were still in the moving-closer-together pre-first-kiss stage. One, a friend of mine - also named Liam, but thoroughly gay - walked through and gave me 'OooOOooh, naughty naughty!' faces, but soon we were left alone.

Liam swooped in for the first kiss. It lasted about 15 minutes. Halfway through it, I crawled up on his lap and was grinding on him - which was a little further than I initially intended... But I sometimes can't help myself. After this kiss - which, can I say, was fucking hot - he let me know it was one of his top 5 kisses of all time. Not so bad!

We continued a pattern of talking, cuddling and making out over the next hour and a half. It was really sweet and I felt very comfortable, which was a really good sign. I even did some quirky things I only do with guys I really like - like inspect their arms and hands for scars and cuts, and ask after their watches. He showed me his appendix removal scars, and answered all my questions. For the record, I am a lady obsessed with hands and this guy had great hands. Not sweaty at all, rugged and masculine. He's an electrician. They're awesome hands. Plus, he seemed to greatly enjoy kissing at my neck - my absolute favourite spot to be kissed!

Then, he said he ought to be moving off, although he didn't want to leave he was falling asleep - we'd hit about the 2 AM mark. I walked him out, and when we got to the porch he gave me another steamy kiss. He pushed me back up against this brick support pole that's on the porch, and that was pretty hot in and of itself. But then he did something no guy has ever done to me, something I'd only seen in movies, something you guys probably won't find all that awesome but something that totally was awesome.

He slid his hands down under my ass, and picked me up fully so that my legs were around his waist and I was shoved up against the pole. So hot. I'm not a particularly waifish lady, so this was a bit of a feat. A hot feat.

After I slid down from this (insecure about my weight,) he managed to get his hand between my leg before I had the willpower to stop him. Oh goodness, guys. He found my sweet spot right away. You do not know how many guys have been so embarrassingly off-target. This guy: Bullseye. I nearly fell over... But, again, I liked him! So I got him out of there and told him he must go because I had to leave him wanting. He pulled me in for a little more kissage but finally I got him to leave. Let me tell you, tho, if Aunt Flo weren't buffering me I don't know if I would've had the willpower.

In the end, I'm glad we didn't go any farther. I think he probably gives me more respect because of it, and I definitely left him wanting more. He's texted me every day since, and has, on the whole, been a very sweet man. I don't even mind him calling me 'hun.' Did I mention I like this one?

Playing With This Bow & Arrow

by Disco

The night before last, I was very, very horny. Disturbingly horny. Would hump anything that spoke to me horny. There's a man who lives across the hall from me that I've had a minor crush on since I moved here - nothing of interest, I usually forget about it until I see him, and he has less than no interest in me - but I was so horny I considered showing up at his door and just jumping the poor man.

So horny I called Jack. But the universe intervened, I got his machine, and I didn't leave a message.

So horny that finally, I texted Hugh. He was out of town, there was absolutely no luck for ol' Disco trying to get laid. So I settled down with Orion (my vibrating dildo) and a little pornhub.com and got myself off. Twice. Mid-going at myself, Hugh texted me naughty things and tells me he'll take care of me the next day. I agreed.

The next day came along, and got into the evening, and not a word from Hugh. I got more and more peeved about it. Finally, I saw him online. Just sitting there. Available. But not messaging me. Typical of him. So, I got pissed and I messaged him - coolly, mind you. Didn't give away my pissed-offedness. Finally, we settled on plans to meet up. Because of my very hot 'n' bothered texting the previous evening there was no point in my playing coy, so I just went straight to his place to pick up the booty I called for. Totally worth any drama I put myself through earlier that night.

We started things off by trying and failing to watch a movie - he couldn't keep his hands off me, I didn't mind. So I told him to stand up, I whipped out the handcuffs I brought along with me, and I handcuffed his hands behind his back. I got down on my knees and sucked him off, and I had him cum all over my chest. Next, he wanted to reciprocate, so he gets me on the bed and handcuffs my hands above my head - which is when I found out this is his first time using handcuffs in the bedroom, which I thought was awful cute. So he kissed his way down my thigh and this was the first time he went down on me - we'd fooled around once before, and slept together once before, but he'd never gone down on me. This was turning into a night of firsts.

He was great, though. A gigantic tease, he would just breathe on it until I wanted to just... ugh, I don't know. And then he went to town. And I came. In my experience, you come, a guy thinks his job is finished, he moves on. Not this guy. I told him I came, and he didn't even stop for a breath. He just kept in on it. I came twice more before he surfaced, and he did everything. He licked it, sucked on it, fucked it with his tongue... Makes me smile just thinking about it.

Then, after I made the mistake of asking him to fuck me 'please,' he uncuffed me and told me to rub my own pussy until I came again. Only when I came again would he fuck me. So, off I went! And he watched. And I gotta tell you, that order was kind of hot so it didn't take me long.

Four down.

Finally, he slides on his condom and pulls me in. He pushes himself inside me and it was better than the last time, even. We started out going pretty normal, making out, some biting, and all that. There was some dirty talk and it was a pretty good time. We switched positions - legs went up, down, asses were in the air, hair was being pulled, and I had my fifth orgasm. But then, we were still going at it, and he was telling me why he likes me. Likes me-likes me. I don't know how much I believe him as yet, but for some reason I said "Fuck me like you hate me." He looked so confused! So I said, "Just trust me."

Oh. My. God. He got so into it. He was slamming me so hard, he had my knees pulled up to where they hurt, his nails were digging into my skin, he was calling me names, pulling my hair, I was taunting him - it was incredible. But somewhere in the middle of that something switched in me. For some reason suddenly I realised, I could actually like this guy. I might actually want to date this guy, and I was caught up in this thought process and I touched his back - really lightly - and he got it. Right away. He slowed right down, his whole expression changed, he was totally in tune and paying attention. I leaned up to his ear and said "I like you," and he said the same.

We kept on fucking, but it got to a weird humorous place. We shifted between sharing nasty fantasies involving showers, creampies, other people, mirrors, whips and double penetration and just joking around. He could laugh and joke around with me while we were having sex, and it was kind of great. Somewhere when he was telling me one of his stories, I got him to choke me a little bit - which was the first time I ever asked anybody to do that. I've accidentally choked a little during sex [and liked it] but I don't want to get into breath play too seriously, I just like the feeling of a hand around my neck. My neck is my favourite place to be touched when I'm in the moment. Anyway, so I came for the sixth and final time. Sometime not long after that - and after about two straight hours of fucking - Hugh finally came, choosing to pull out and cum on my ass.

After this is when all the Firsts really happened.

1) We cuddled. I messed around with this kid twice before, and no cuddles was I afforded. Last night, he pulled me in and cuddled me for a solid half hour afterward. And naked, too. Normally we'd both bolt right to putting out clothes back on. This was really nice, and made me feel like maybe he did like me. There was some making out, and lots of talk and joking.

2) As we left his building, we made out in the elevator. The past two times, we sort of just stood beside each other awkwardly. Last night, he pulled me in and there was full on making out. Kinda hot.

3) Sitting in his car outside my building, normally I give him a little goodnight peck and sort of slip out and wish him a happy rest of his life. Not so, again! I gave him my little peck, went to leave, and he grabbed my arm, pulled me in, and gave me a real goodnight kiss.

He told me he'd talk to me 'soon.' I haven't heard from him today, and maybe I won't. He's said that before and I never heard from him (until I got horny, and really, what single man is going to resist a guaranteed lay?) If I don't, then it was a pretty awesome night. But on the other hand, I'm worried. I think I might actually like this guy...

Jazz Hands.

by Disco

Tuesday I went out with a man named Tony, a jazz musician around 25 years old. We had spoken quite a bit online before he asked me out, and set up a date for the Thursday previous but circumstances caused us to postpone. In the days between, we got closer, and told each other some secrets. Then, we met.

Tony was - in looks, in stature, in pretentiousness, in every way - an echo of an ex boyfriend.

An exboyfriend who also happened to be named Tony.

And who happened to have been from a very sordid period of my life. I do not look upon memories with Original Tony with happiness, or with even romantic inclinations. Just... shame and sadness.

I tried to give New Tony a chance. But I wasn't having it. But for some reason, despite all that... I fucked him. Maybe it was because Original Tony had had a traumatic experience and never let me go all the way, and I wanted to finally complete that goal - get Original Tony to get carried away enough to sleep with me. New Tony even had a very similar penis - uncircumcised, about five inches, flat, almost. Tony wasn't good at findng my clit, the way this guy was (that guy shall from now on be referred to as Hugh,) either. Tony begged me to let him not use a condom - and I refused to agree to such a thing, I made him wear one. I should have shut down the whole shebang then because that was a major turn-off. Several times throughout he made little hints about how it would be better if he wasn't wearing a condom. Please. Like I care about your popping one off more than I care about my general health and life. There was also this funny lack of passion going on. I love sex when you both get into it so much you don't even notice anything, or you don't care - that something fell over, that your head is hitting the wall, blah blah. It wasn't like that. It was, like, clinical... Finally, I told him to just stop and he could jack off and come anywhere on my body he wanted, below the face because I just was not interested anymore. So he did. Then invited himself to stay over.

Thankfully, whoever lives above me was making such a ruckus, he finally left. The next day I told him I wasn't interested.

The whole affair reminded me of that scene in When Harry Met Sally... where Harry is telling Sally about his first date post-Helen, and how awful it went and his panic attack and she comforts him by saying it might be a long time before they find somebody they like, and even longer before they find somebody they can go to bed with - and he says "Oh, I went to bed with her."

I don't know when it happened that I turned into a man, but I'm not really enjoying it. I keep wanting to go on dates because I don't want to be the pathetic celibate girl that just waits for her love to come back - her love who might not come back, and might doubly not come back if she turns into that pathetic celibate girl who can't live without him. I don't want to not be able to live without Jack. But, I also don't want to live without him. So I keep going on these dates, but these dates just remind me that I don't want to be dating. I sleep with people to get the experience I used to be afraid I would miss if Jack and I worked out, but I realise the experience isn't as good as being with him was.

Boned.

by Disco

Last night I got boned. This was my first full on sex since Jack, the ex. I feel two ways about it, but first let me tell you how it all went down.

Remember that guy who gave me three orgasms and didn't ask for anything in return? Well we got to talking again last night and he invited me out to ice cream with him (aww) so, you know. Three orgasms, little to nothing needed in return... I went. We hung out, played a couple games, walked around, had a beer, and then finally made it back to his place. We watched Youtube videos and cuddled for a while until the inevitable happened.

Making out.

And then... he put his hand between my legs. And I spread, baby, easy like margarine. But somewhere between that, a bit of sucking, and some fingering, he was fucking my hands when I asked him - quite on this week's topic - 'Do you have a condom?' I don't know why it was so easy to say because I thought I would wait longer before sleeping with a new person - but he went and got a condom and then slid right inside.

He was long. It hurt a bit. But I asked him to slow down, we changed up positions a few times, and it was fine. And kind of hot as he was fully naked but I still had my dress on, which somehow made me feel in control. He came before me but pulled out and promptly made sure that was rectified - ahh, sweet orgasm. We cuddled for about 10 minutes after, making out periodically, before I got up and he drove me home.

Today, like I said, I feel two ways. One, I feel empowered, relaxed and freaking awesome. Two, I feel like I betrayed Jack somehow... Like I didn't wait long enough in order to prove my love... But I got to bang a British boy!

A Break Down and a Pick Up

By XTC

Alright! So, I owe you all an official explanation on what the heck happened to me. Well, as Disco and Glitterbella know, I have felt kind of... down... lately. I have a lot of personal issues occurring including my mother not having a job and being absolutely broke and having breakdowns in front of me, my father not talking to me, and my aunt being very sick. Sometimes I feel very trapped inside all of it, like there is no escape.

I began hanging out with Mr. Schoolgirl-Crush. You already know how I felt about that. Anyways, it didn’t end too well. I told him that he was cute and he replied with an explanation as to how he does not like me that way. I was sort of incredibly confused considering every time we hung out he made a move on me. I could understand him telling me that he didn’t want a relationship, but he seemed to not want anything at all.

This shouldn’t have affected me as much as it did... I should have immediately cut my ties and deemed it his loss. But considering my vulnerable state and how much I was completely crushing on him, I got very upset. Every guy that I genuinely like tends to never like me back, so I was very discouraged. I did not understand why this had to happen with him too, let alone the night before I went away on a trip that I had been looking forward to for a very long time.

We ended up getting into a big argument, which I was afraid may have potentially ruined any future chance with him, or even any chances for a friendship. He had a lot of stuff going on at the time and we were both very emotional for some reason and discussing anything at that time was simply a bad idea. Thankfully though, since I have returned from my trip he has spoken to me and we’ve made some small talk. We haven’t hung out, I’m not sure when we will or if we should just yet, but he at least seems to be quite open to the idea, which at least provides some comfort in the fact that I didn’t completely fuck it ALL up. I enjoyed hanging out with him and smoking up and talking, sexually or not.

At the time of our argument though, after my breakdown, all that was left for me to do was to not think about him, to try to distract myself. Clearly, nothing that I could say or do would make anything any better at that moment, we both needed to just have some time to calm down. So after some moping and such, I went on my little trip with the intention of having a hella wicked time.

I bought lots of cute things, including some dresses which were muchly needed. The concert was absolutely AMAZING. I tried some new and interesting food, and of course, got to spend some time with the ladies.

The part of the trip that would interest you, however, is a boy who I met there. For as long as I can remember consistently using MSN there is a guy who has been on it, who I talk to on a rather regular basis, and is from the area in which I was vacationing to. I planned on hanging out with him once last summer but when I was around I never found the opportunity. So this time I was determined to finally do so!

So on a more quiet evening where we were all just sort of doing our own thing and relaxing, I arranged a hang-out session. This concerned Disco and Glitterbella some; perhaps it wasn’t the MOST intelligent thing to do, but at the moment I was wickedly exhausted and just wanted to make the most out of every moment.

As soon as we saw each other he gave me a hug, then we proceeded to do a little bit of sightseeing. After awhile, we ended up at his place and took his dog for a walk, during which he held my hand. It was then that I was pretty much like, “Yup, we’re gonna bang.”

And so we did. Of course! It wasn’t immediate... there was a fair amount of cuddling and foreplay that proceeded it. But once it did begin to happen, I felt completely into it. I wanted to spend daysssss in his bed, it was soooo comfortable. We cleaned up together, he let me use his mouthwash and wear his housecoat, sort of made me feel like an old married couple... haha.

We proceeded to have sex two more times though. That was sort of my fault... I got into the mood and was SO not ready to sleep! So I was showing him the toys that I had bought earlier that day at an amazing sex shop I visited, and things just proceeded from there. Using a vibrator during sex = the BEST idea EVER. I actually had an orgasm, which is something that I had never done with a guy before.

The sex itself was very enjoyable. Lots of different positions and I actually enjoyed being on top, which is something that I usually feel a little uncomfortable with. I just didn’t really care with him. He is quite silly but also quite sweet and flattering. I’m not used to men telling me that I am beautiful or anything like that.

For once, I also slept well. I normally cannot sleep when I am sharing a bed with somebody, let alone a guy, let alone if we are too close to each other. When I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to stay awake any longer, I chose my favourite pillow and lay down. He told me that I could switch it with the pillow beside it, so that I’d be closer to him. He then pulled my head on top of his chest and held me tight and I fell asleep almost immediately. I remember changing positions once, when I woke up like that and my side hurt a little, so I turned, and he turned too, still holding me, and I fell right back to sleep. This was all quite surprising.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable experience. He spent a lot of time admiring my body, which made me feel a little insecure at first but turned out to be very flattering and empowering. There were lots of little non-sexual kisses. On the drive back into town he held my hand or had his hand on my thigh almost the entire time. I hadn’t just randomly held hands with a guy in a very long time prior to him, so it was a little weird.

Leaving to go home completely sucked. I absolutely adore that city, I feel so much more at home there. I have talked to him a couple of times since I returned home though. The first time he told me to come back like twice, and sent me a picture that he took of us together, which I found to be quite cute. The second time, he didn’t really have much to say at all... So I’m a little confused.

I am not looking for a long distance relationship but it would be nice to know that he likes me, and to have the possibility of seeing him again if I ever return to town. I guess we will just have to wait and see. For future reference, I am going to call him Alejandro. This is not to imply anything specific, but the next morning while we were driving this song came on and he said that it was for me, since I was seeing Lady Gaga live that night. So, yeah, it’s easy to remember!

Anyways! I think that that is pretty much the summary of it all... Time to watch True Blood! <3

Boys Boys Boys!

By Glitterbella

I'll start this off by saying this time last week I had no boys in my life. Now I may have to many. Boy number one, "Martin" and I hook up last Thursday . He is the good night Disco refered to in her last post. There is some background drama here, but I'm over it, and he seems to be as well, so i'm gonna skip it for now and let you all know if it becomes relivant again. It was nice. Excellent cuddling skills....otherwise...not the greatest (Nor the worst) lover of my life. I think we will get better together with practice. One thing that did really bother me is that he kissed me (unless I made it otherwise) with his mouth closed. May not seem like a big deal, but it was annoying. Something that didn't bother me much, but seriously worried/bothered the lovely XTC and Disco, is the fact that my chest is covered in Large, painful, yellow and purple bruises. Martin, it seems is a biter. Fine by me. Just wish he would spread it out a bit more, ya know? He'd bite the same spot over and over again. Both girls are also unhappy with me about being unsafe. But thats a blog for another day.

Boy number two "Pintsize" is a guy I work with. Over the past few weeks, I've noticed that he has been very flirty with me. On Friday (yes, the very day after hooking up with Martin) Pintsize attempted to ask me out. He seemed a bit embaressed but eventually got my name, number and email. (yes, he wasn't sure of my name until then. Minus 1, lol) He promised to call me/text me that night, but didn't. He did eventually add me to both MSN and crackbook. While on MSN he basicly stated he wanted me to "be a distraction" from his depression. No thanks, but how to say that and stay friends?

Boy number three "Steve" I haven't met yet. But since we started talking on a dating site (Also on Thursday/Friday...Hmm, wonder if theres something to that?) we have talked on MSN or through texting almost non stop. He makes me laugh- a lot, and is willing to just go with the silly things I tend to say. He wants to meet up tomorrow. I shall let you know how it goes... ;)

Also, Brownie points to anyone who knows where I got my names from :)

We're Not Dead!

by Disco

Hey! All three of us apologize for the lack of weekly topic posts this week. The beautiful XTC had a personal crisis which definitely trumped the blog. Although I will tell you Glitterbella had at least one good night this week... but she can tell you all about that later.

As for me, I had a pretty good night last night. Went on a date with an English dude. We met up at Starbucks, hit it off really well, went to this 50s style diner for milkshakes which was kind of adorable and perfect, walked around until we happened to be walking by his place. I did go up. I am glad I did.

We didn't have sex, but we made out for over two hours and he fingered me until I came three times. He would not allow me to do anything to him to make him come until I was thoroughly exhausted, telling me he got off on watching me come - that is so not a problem with me. And he definitely made me come! He takes direction very well. Also, during the course of this, we also talked about everything - how his previous girlfriends have been fairly g-rated, how my sex life in comparison has been very not, how many people we've slept with, what our fantasies are, what is the craziest thing we've ever done... After I felt too sensitive for further... probing... I gave him a nice, sloppy blowjob and he was kind enough not to come in my mouth. I really don't mind if a guy comes in my mouth - and in fact I really like it if I really like the guy. But it seemed courteous, somehow, especially on a first date...

After that, he drove me home. I am really surprised at how much I liked him. I didn't expect to find a guy on a dating site I would like as much - or laugh with as much. And I definitely didn't expect to go that far on a first date, but... I'm glad I did.

Attachment

by Disco

This past week I have branched out into new men in ways I hadn't yet since my breakup. One of them might be alright, the other one is definitely blowing up in my face...

I met a dude on a website and after much flirting I finally gave him my cell number to text. We got to texting and right away it was cybering. For the first 10 minutes or so, the stuff he was telling me was really hot - and I am trying to get more into the kink scene, and he is a dom - but then he just went way too far for me. It was a total turn off. Not that it's all stuff I wld never try, but it's all stuff that I wld need a lot more priming for. It's actually 95% stuff I wld do for the ex... but just not a stranger... And 5% stuff I so just would not do. I guess it must be a trust issue but if I'm not comfortable then, regardless of the reason - there doesn't have to be a reason, actually. If I'm not comfortable, I'm shutting that shit down.

So I did, I shut him down and said I don't do that, and then today again he came at me and really the stuff he says is hot most of the time, but it's just too fast for me, it scares me off. So I shut him down again! He takes it really well though and is really respectful of it so I'm thinking of sticking along with him and just giving him little 'Do Not Enter' signs every so often.

In other news, I went out last night with a dude from a different dating site. I went to his apartment with a bottle of wine and he'd made this actually pretty good spaghetti with peas and carrots and potatoes in it. He and I hung out for like five hours and he seemed like a really cool guy. We started making out, and he wasn't the best kisser but I've never actually dated a guy who was a really good kisser, unfortunately... The ex definitely improved with time and some direction, which is what I figure any guy can do, but never a great kisser. Anyway, so we made out and then he moved me over to his bed (it was a tiny little studio aparment) and we continued making out there and involved some dry humping and titty sucking but I wouldn't let him go any farther that that - no clothes came off, etc. But somewhere in the middle of all of this he suddenly pulls my face back and goes "I want this to be long term." And it was like "Woaaaaahh, buddy!"

So I got out of there once I mustered up the courage to say I wanted to go home (I fear being rude.) He texted me twice again that night, sent me an FB message, and texted me this morning to tell me to come over. Maybe if I had really liked him, really really, it would have been romantic and everything. But it's not there. The Ex and I have our cyber sex non-relationship within the context of our one-year agreement and I always think to myself, if I wouldn't give that up for a guy, I shouldn't string him along and use him just to hurt him. It's alright if they're out for a fling - like Cyber Sex guy - but not if they want long term. I can't do that right now, at least not for somebody who I'm not into enough to stop comparing them to the Ex all the time and wishing he were there instead (which I was.)

So... that's all for that. Maybe I'm not a sub. Maybe I'm a desperate loser still in love with her Ex (that one's not really a maybe) but at least now I know what I am looking for. A fling. Nothing serious. If it becomes serious, sure, I will go with that. But I don't want that to be expected of me right now. But I do demand a level of courtship purely to develop trust. Maybe I'm not totally out of my Molested-Girl Shell but I can't let somebody touch me without them developing a trusting relationship with me first - regardless of if it's a friendship or just a sexual relationship that's taken quite slowly. That's probably boring - and vanilla - but whatever. If you don't give it to me, I'm shutting you down.

Schoolgirl Crush :(

By XTC

Dating sites are dumb, blah blah, we’ve all heard it. But a long time ago, I joined one, mainly out of curiosity. A friend of mine told me that it helped her kill time during a week that she was incredibly bored, that some of the messages that you receive are utterly hilarious. So I tried it out of boredom and curiosity as well.

I sure did get a lot of interesting messages. I’ll share all of the creepy-tales with you during an internet dating topic some week. I did not take the site very seriously, at all. Although, I did meet a couple of friends through there.

Since I’m back home in refinery city for the summer I’ve been using it a bit more frequently and actually began talking to this one guy. He stopped coming on MSN almost altogether, but then gave me his cell phone number, so we began texting.

One day I was having an incredibly shitty day, and he made me tell him what was wrong. He was very nice about it. He offered to hang out with me that weekend to help cheer me up and distract me, even though he was timid about doing so, because every girl he ever met on that site turned out to be completely nuts.

That same day he warned me that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. According to his profile, he is looking for “a relationship” though... so I’m undecided as to whether or not he really doesn’t want anything, or he was only telling me that as a precaution in case I was a total crazy, haha.

We text messaged all day Saturday, which definitely helped me pass the time at my little cousin’s birthday party. That evening, due to my mother’s protests, we did go out. It was very comfortable from the beginning. He was very friendly, we drove around and talked a lot, commonly getting off topic.

After awhile we took a ferry to a nearby island and went to his friends’ house to get high. That was an, interesting... experience. We weren’t there too long, I think that he sensed that I was uncomfortable. They seemed like nice people, but being high in a large group of strangers makes me feel incredibly shy sometimes.

Driving back to the ferry was incredibly creepy. There was fog that went about three feet high on the road, and the roads were windy, twisting through the woods. Very first-episode-of-the-vampire-diaries-esque.

When I told him this, he suddenly grabbed my side to try to scare me when I wasn’t looking. I think that there was some definite flirting going on, he would find ways in the conversation to casually touch me; which was slightly unexpected.

I couldn’t go back home high while my mother was still awake, so we went to a tourist lookout spot in town to hang out. The flirting continued while there, we kept getting so close, which drove me crazy. Finally, though, he did kiss me. A lot of making out then persisted.

All was going incredibly well until, while kissing my neck, he suddenly looked up and stopped. Slightly concerned, I asked what was wrong. He replied with, “There’s somebody out there.” Sure enough, some creepy older man was standing outside of the car, simply... watching us...

Needless to say we peeled the hell outta that place. It worked out for the best though because not only did it make a good story to tell, but I also got an excuse to see his apartment! Beds always make a much better make-out spot.

We didn’t have sex, as much as I was tempted to. He claimed that he didn’t want to the first night we met anyways. But the fooling around was still quite fun, he turned me on a lotttttt, all without even going under my pants! That’s a bit of a rare quality it seems.

After that night we still text messaged quite a bit. A couple of days later he messaged me at like 8am saying good morning, even though he knew that I was asleep. I found that very cute. We hung out again that night as well.

There was a lot of driving involved. Apparently he loves driving. The only issue with it is that I tend to have to pee a lot. I found out the hard way that the Saint John Airport is NOT open 24 hours.

We went to a lighthouse on the peak of the bay, which seemed slightly... romantic? I don’t know. But it was incredibly foggy so you could not see very much, and the fog horn kept going off every few minutes.

It was all sort of creepy. I have been watching way too many episodes of Criminal Minds lately, so I was slightly paranoid being there. So even though we were having a very fun make out session, I made him take me back to town. If I’m going to have fun with a boy, I want to do it somewhere that I feel completely comfortable.

Once again, we returned to his apartment. And, of course, once again, there was some fun involved. I had to be cautious though because his bottom lip was sore from me biting it too hard last time.

Then, while we were caught up in the moment, he TOLD ME to bite it. So... I did... apparently too hard enough, because it obviously caused him quite a bit of pain. I felt pretty horrible afterwards. But after a few minutes we did continue doing what we were doing. That’s not a total deal breaker, right?

I wanted to have sex with him SO much, to let him touch me soooo much. He seemed to want it too; he repeatedly told me how much he wanted me. When I returned the words in a calmer moment, he seemed sort of surprised and asked what I like about him.

Although he clearly wanted to have sex with me, he didn’t pressure it. In fact, at one point he even said, “I don’t even want to have sex with you right now, I just want to touch you, and make you so wet, and give you pleasure, so bad.” I wanted it so bad too, but sadly, Mother Nature did not.

I wasn’t about to let him be hard for over an hour straight and not get anything though, so we ended up titty fucking. I could have just given him head, but I don’t think that he expected me to go that far, so the breast thing just sort of happened.

From what I could tell he absolutely loved it. His face alone would have told me that. He moaned a lot, and pretty much flat out told me that it was absolutely amazing. Multiple times. I let him cum in my mouth, and he gave me a little peck on the lips afterwards, then laid his head on my chest for a few minutes prior to taking me home.

Now that Mother Nature is almost through with her curse for this month I am badly craving him. I didn’t get home until about 8am that morning. We were out together all night. He offered for me to just sleep there, but I knew that that wouldn’t sit very well with my mother, she was worried enough as it was.

The next day I realized that he got up for work at, like, 6am the morning previous. He had literally been up for over 24 hours straight. Which made me feel kind of bad... but I’m hoping that it means that he’s at least a little into me.

We haven’t talked too much since then, but he also worked 14 hour long shifts both of the following days. Yesterday was a national holiday and he texted me to wish me a happy day, but by the time I saw it and replied he was getting drunk with his family. So, clearly, he wasn’t in the best texting state. He kept leaving his phone and such, and was clearly wasted, and with family, so I left him alone.

I am very much so hoping that he messages me today, or maybe tomorrow. Just... sometime soon. I am definitely over thinking it. It sucks. I am just very into him. In fact, I am probably too into him.

There is no doubt in my mind that it would be an incredibly fun, comfortable, and hot fuck. But I genuinely enjoy my time with him, like, I actually sort of like him. I’m quite scared that if I DO sleep with him, serious feelings may eventually develop.

He doesn’t even seem like the kind of guy to just fool around. Maybe I will be a special case? I have absolutely no idea. He is just so easy to talk to, and so nice. One time, when we were making out, he complained that I always close my eyes and he can’t see into them. And then the next time we saw each other, he told me to open my eyes and look into his.

Guys don’t normally say that sort of shit if they are looking for non-committal sex, I don’t think. Part of me is just like, “RUN” because I am very petrified of falling for him and him not liking me back, like what normally happens. Okay, what always happens.

There’s not much that I can do though, really. I can’t be like, “So, what is this?” after only hanging out two times, even if one of them did last like seven hours. And if I just stop hanging out with him or trying I will definitely regret it. Ugh, I hate risks, it’s scary.

As the lovely Disco pointed out to me, the best thing to probably do is to assume that it is only a fling, and if it turns into more, then it turns into more. I will just stay neutral and not act like it’s totally casual but not act like it’s serious either. And just... hope for the better... Surely, with all of my bad luck with men something will work out well sometime very soon!

Anyways, I hope that I see him soon.

Any advice is very much so welcomed!

PVC & Marilyn Manson

by Disco

Hey, everybody! This is our first experience post which is not related to the weekly topic. I just wanted to share my experience at my first ever fetish event! A lovely lady mentioned the website Fetlife on her blog about a week ago, and I joined because as I read more and more blogs I am becoming more and more interested in the fetish community. I wanted to attend a munch as my first event but I chickened out, for real. So then a girl on the site wanted to go to this event, which was called Subspace "Fetish Pride" and took place at a club downtown. She didn't want to go alone and so I decided to man up and go.

I went down to a boutique, bought myself a rather sexy very short PVC number which the bartender at the event was quite impressed with, and marched my way down. The girl, it turned out, couldn't get in to the party because she was underage (oops!) and the girl who came with her didn't want to leave her to get home alone. I had spent money on a cab to get there, so I decided I wasn't going to waste it and I went in alone. Honestly, it was tons of fun. It would have been a thousand times more fun if I had known somebody there and not been so alone. It was just a little basement club with a DJ, a small bar, a little coat/bag check area, and an area at the back where girls were being whipped and spanked as they chose. I only stayed a couple hours because it honestly got a little boring being there by myself - I tried to make friends with one girl, and she was very nice, but I lost her and she never came around again.

They scheduled a type of show at midnight and I stayed until close to one A.M. and never saw such a thing but that's alright. They played a lot of good music (Depeche Mode, Marilyn Manson remixes, Peaches...) and everybody looked very sexy. It was honestly a pretty comfortable, welcoming environment. It definitely got my feet wet and I am now excited to start attending more and different kinds of fetish events, although I am still really, really uneducated about much of it. I am very excited about learning and excited/nervous to get my hands dirty, for sure!