How Sick!

by Disco

Monday night, Liam promised to come over and hang out with me. I waited. I waited. I waited. And I never heard from him. So, in a frenzied state of anger and horniness I got in touch with Hugh, who had texted me a few nights before - the first time I heard from him since that last fuck together. I'd sorted out my feelings towards him (none except the urge to use him as my personal dildo boy) and so I hopped in a cab and went to his place.

He sucked me, he fucked me, he fingered me, he did it all - I came four times. Then I went down on him, intending to suck him off until he came - we went at it for an hour or more and he hadn't come yet. And there I was, bopping and sucking for nearly twenty minutes when my lip was numb, my jaw was aching and suddenly I was just nauseous. A few minutes later, he laughed at something - something unrelated in it head - but I took it the wrong way and combined with the nausea, I asked to go home. He walked me home, but I'm pretty sure he's never going to speak to me again, my just ditching him midblowjob and never letting him come even though I came four times...

I honestly felt really bad about it.

I went to this place across the street to get something to eat, and standing in line I suddenly got incredibly light-headed. My hearing went down by half, I felt like I would pass out... A couple days later, at the doctor's office, I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. I feel really bad about the whole ordeal, I wish I could have finished him off... Haven't heard from him since and don't expect to :P Found out later that night, Liam had just gone to the pub with his buds.

I spent the rest of the week sick as a dog, didn't go anywhere, but was looking forward to my date with Liam for last night. Thursday he promised to come over again, but canceled - citing dizziness. That was fine. Friday night, he allegedly passed out and had to be taken to the hospital - with low blood pressure, that was fine. Except. He never officially canceled the Saturday date - he told me these things were going on - said he hoped he'd still be able to make it but whenever the time was he realised he couldn't, I didn't hear one word from him. I don't hear from him all of Saturday until late Saturday night when he lets me in on that his friends took him out for a couple drinks since he was feeling a bit better. That was just a slap in the face. At like midnight, he asked if we could have a drink or maybe I could come over and watch a movie with him afterall. I told him maybe another time. I'm not just going to be on his time, waiting for him to come hang out with me and just being pathetic enough to let it slide when he ditches me to go for drinks. So I am backing way off of that one, if he wants it he can come get it. I guess he wasn't as thoughtful as we were all hoping...

But! Saturday night an interesting thing happened. Jack, the ex, came online and I told him to call me. And he did. We talked on the phone together for three hours... It was the first time I'd spoken to him on the phone since the last time we had phone sex, way back in June. It was amazing. It was great to hear his voice - to hear the tone of how he was saying things, it avoided a lot of gnarly confusion. I got to hear his laugh, I got to really talk to him. He told me that he does still like me, that he misses me, that he thinks about me... We made plans about things we want to try when we're back together. I have never, ever felt as secure about the one-year agreement as I am now. Before it seemed like a ridiculous hope. Now it seems like it's going to happen...

We talked about how I wanted to try having candies - like chocolate covered almonds - slid into my pussy, and he would have to pull them out with his tongue and eat them. We talked about how he wanted me to wear a pair of little white panties , how he wants to try sex with someone watching, how I want to have sex in a restroom of a restaurant and a party, how we both want to have sex outdoors. We talked about the things we used to do that turned us on, we talked about what we would do to each other right now if we could. He came once. I came twice.

In light of this conversation, knowing how much I do love him, and believing that the one year agreement seems like a pretty solid shot at this point (OMG YAY ^.^) I think I'd like to take the rest of the year to just explore myself, like I had set out to do in the beginning. I don't want to have a relationship with anybody. I don't know if I would stop it if it started happening, but I want to take this year and try all the things I want to try with whoever I want to try them with. I want to go with the flow. And mostly, I want to focus on myself.

Playing With This Bow & Arrow

by Disco

The night before last, I was very, very horny. Disturbingly horny. Would hump anything that spoke to me horny. There's a man who lives across the hall from me that I've had a minor crush on since I moved here - nothing of interest, I usually forget about it until I see him, and he has less than no interest in me - but I was so horny I considered showing up at his door and just jumping the poor man.

So horny I called Jack. But the universe intervened, I got his machine, and I didn't leave a message.

So horny that finally, I texted Hugh. He was out of town, there was absolutely no luck for ol' Disco trying to get laid. So I settled down with Orion (my vibrating dildo) and a little pornhub.com and got myself off. Twice. Mid-going at myself, Hugh texted me naughty things and tells me he'll take care of me the next day. I agreed.

The next day came along, and got into the evening, and not a word from Hugh. I got more and more peeved about it. Finally, I saw him online. Just sitting there. Available. But not messaging me. Typical of him. So, I got pissed and I messaged him - coolly, mind you. Didn't give away my pissed-offedness. Finally, we settled on plans to meet up. Because of my very hot 'n' bothered texting the previous evening there was no point in my playing coy, so I just went straight to his place to pick up the booty I called for. Totally worth any drama I put myself through earlier that night.

We started things off by trying and failing to watch a movie - he couldn't keep his hands off me, I didn't mind. So I told him to stand up, I whipped out the handcuffs I brought along with me, and I handcuffed his hands behind his back. I got down on my knees and sucked him off, and I had him cum all over my chest. Next, he wanted to reciprocate, so he gets me on the bed and handcuffs my hands above my head - which is when I found out this is his first time using handcuffs in the bedroom, which I thought was awful cute. So he kissed his way down my thigh and this was the first time he went down on me - we'd fooled around once before, and slept together once before, but he'd never gone down on me. This was turning into a night of firsts.

He was great, though. A gigantic tease, he would just breathe on it until I wanted to just... ugh, I don't know. And then he went to town. And I came. In my experience, you come, a guy thinks his job is finished, he moves on. Not this guy. I told him I came, and he didn't even stop for a breath. He just kept in on it. I came twice more before he surfaced, and he did everything. He licked it, sucked on it, fucked it with his tongue... Makes me smile just thinking about it.

Then, after I made the mistake of asking him to fuck me 'please,' he uncuffed me and told me to rub my own pussy until I came again. Only when I came again would he fuck me. So, off I went! And he watched. And I gotta tell you, that order was kind of hot so it didn't take me long.

Four down.

Finally, he slides on his condom and pulls me in. He pushes himself inside me and it was better than the last time, even. We started out going pretty normal, making out, some biting, and all that. There was some dirty talk and it was a pretty good time. We switched positions - legs went up, down, asses were in the air, hair was being pulled, and I had my fifth orgasm. But then, we were still going at it, and he was telling me why he likes me. Likes me-likes me. I don't know how much I believe him as yet, but for some reason I said "Fuck me like you hate me." He looked so confused! So I said, "Just trust me."

Oh. My. God. He got so into it. He was slamming me so hard, he had my knees pulled up to where they hurt, his nails were digging into my skin, he was calling me names, pulling my hair, I was taunting him - it was incredible. But somewhere in the middle of that something switched in me. For some reason suddenly I realised, I could actually like this guy. I might actually want to date this guy, and I was caught up in this thought process and I touched his back - really lightly - and he got it. Right away. He slowed right down, his whole expression changed, he was totally in tune and paying attention. I leaned up to his ear and said "I like you," and he said the same.

We kept on fucking, but it got to a weird humorous place. We shifted between sharing nasty fantasies involving showers, creampies, other people, mirrors, whips and double penetration and just joking around. He could laugh and joke around with me while we were having sex, and it was kind of great. Somewhere when he was telling me one of his stories, I got him to choke me a little bit - which was the first time I ever asked anybody to do that. I've accidentally choked a little during sex [and liked it] but I don't want to get into breath play too seriously, I just like the feeling of a hand around my neck. My neck is my favourite place to be touched when I'm in the moment. Anyway, so I came for the sixth and final time. Sometime not long after that - and after about two straight hours of fucking - Hugh finally came, choosing to pull out and cum on my ass.

After this is when all the Firsts really happened.

1) We cuddled. I messed around with this kid twice before, and no cuddles was I afforded. Last night, he pulled me in and cuddled me for a solid half hour afterward. And naked, too. Normally we'd both bolt right to putting out clothes back on. This was really nice, and made me feel like maybe he did like me. There was some making out, and lots of talk and joking.

2) As we left his building, we made out in the elevator. The past two times, we sort of just stood beside each other awkwardly. Last night, he pulled me in and there was full on making out. Kinda hot.

3) Sitting in his car outside my building, normally I give him a little goodnight peck and sort of slip out and wish him a happy rest of his life. Not so, again! I gave him my little peck, went to leave, and he grabbed my arm, pulled me in, and gave me a real goodnight kiss.

He told me he'd talk to me 'soon.' I haven't heard from him today, and maybe I won't. He's said that before and I never heard from him (until I got horny, and really, what single man is going to resist a guaranteed lay?) If I don't, then it was a pretty awesome night. But on the other hand, I'm worried. I think I might actually like this guy...

Jazz Hands.

by Disco

Tuesday I went out with a man named Tony, a jazz musician around 25 years old. We had spoken quite a bit online before he asked me out, and set up a date for the Thursday previous but circumstances caused us to postpone. In the days between, we got closer, and told each other some secrets. Then, we met.

Tony was - in looks, in stature, in pretentiousness, in every way - an echo of an ex boyfriend.

An exboyfriend who also happened to be named Tony.

And who happened to have been from a very sordid period of my life. I do not look upon memories with Original Tony with happiness, or with even romantic inclinations. Just... shame and sadness.

I tried to give New Tony a chance. But I wasn't having it. But for some reason, despite all that... I fucked him. Maybe it was because Original Tony had had a traumatic experience and never let me go all the way, and I wanted to finally complete that goal - get Original Tony to get carried away enough to sleep with me. New Tony even had a very similar penis - uncircumcised, about five inches, flat, almost. Tony wasn't good at findng my clit, the way this guy was (that guy shall from now on be referred to as Hugh,) either. Tony begged me to let him not use a condom - and I refused to agree to such a thing, I made him wear one. I should have shut down the whole shebang then because that was a major turn-off. Several times throughout he made little hints about how it would be better if he wasn't wearing a condom. Please. Like I care about your popping one off more than I care about my general health and life. There was also this funny lack of passion going on. I love sex when you both get into it so much you don't even notice anything, or you don't care - that something fell over, that your head is hitting the wall, blah blah. It wasn't like that. It was, like, clinical... Finally, I told him to just stop and he could jack off and come anywhere on my body he wanted, below the face because I just was not interested anymore. So he did. Then invited himself to stay over.

Thankfully, whoever lives above me was making such a ruckus, he finally left. The next day I told him I wasn't interested.

The whole affair reminded me of that scene in When Harry Met Sally... where Harry is telling Sally about his first date post-Helen, and how awful it went and his panic attack and she comforts him by saying it might be a long time before they find somebody they like, and even longer before they find somebody they can go to bed with - and he says "Oh, I went to bed with her."

I don't know when it happened that I turned into a man, but I'm not really enjoying it. I keep wanting to go on dates because I don't want to be the pathetic celibate girl that just waits for her love to come back - her love who might not come back, and might doubly not come back if she turns into that pathetic celibate girl who can't live without him. I don't want to not be able to live without Jack. But, I also don't want to live without him. So I keep going on these dates, but these dates just remind me that I don't want to be dating. I sleep with people to get the experience I used to be afraid I would miss if Jack and I worked out, but I realise the experience isn't as good as being with him was.

Boned.

by Disco

Last night I got boned. This was my first full on sex since Jack, the ex. I feel two ways about it, but first let me tell you how it all went down.

Remember that guy who gave me three orgasms and didn't ask for anything in return? Well we got to talking again last night and he invited me out to ice cream with him (aww) so, you know. Three orgasms, little to nothing needed in return... I went. We hung out, played a couple games, walked around, had a beer, and then finally made it back to his place. We watched Youtube videos and cuddled for a while until the inevitable happened.

Making out.

And then... he put his hand between my legs. And I spread, baby, easy like margarine. But somewhere between that, a bit of sucking, and some fingering, he was fucking my hands when I asked him - quite on this week's topic - 'Do you have a condom?' I don't know why it was so easy to say because I thought I would wait longer before sleeping with a new person - but he went and got a condom and then slid right inside.

He was long. It hurt a bit. But I asked him to slow down, we changed up positions a few times, and it was fine. And kind of hot as he was fully naked but I still had my dress on, which somehow made me feel in control. He came before me but pulled out and promptly made sure that was rectified - ahh, sweet orgasm. We cuddled for about 10 minutes after, making out periodically, before I got up and he drove me home.

Today, like I said, I feel two ways. One, I feel empowered, relaxed and freaking awesome. Two, I feel like I betrayed Jack somehow... Like I didn't wait long enough in order to prove my love... But I got to bang a British boy!

We're Not Dead!

by Disco

Hey! All three of us apologize for the lack of weekly topic posts this week. The beautiful XTC had a personal crisis which definitely trumped the blog. Although I will tell you Glitterbella had at least one good night this week... but she can tell you all about that later.

As for me, I had a pretty good night last night. Went on a date with an English dude. We met up at Starbucks, hit it off really well, went to this 50s style diner for milkshakes which was kind of adorable and perfect, walked around until we happened to be walking by his place. I did go up. I am glad I did.

We didn't have sex, but we made out for over two hours and he fingered me until I came three times. He would not allow me to do anything to him to make him come until I was thoroughly exhausted, telling me he got off on watching me come - that is so not a problem with me. And he definitely made me come! He takes direction very well. Also, during the course of this, we also talked about everything - how his previous girlfriends have been fairly g-rated, how my sex life in comparison has been very not, how many people we've slept with, what our fantasies are, what is the craziest thing we've ever done... After I felt too sensitive for further... probing... I gave him a nice, sloppy blowjob and he was kind enough not to come in my mouth. I really don't mind if a guy comes in my mouth - and in fact I really like it if I really like the guy. But it seemed courteous, somehow, especially on a first date...

After that, he drove me home. I am really surprised at how much I liked him. I didn't expect to find a guy on a dating site I would like as much - or laugh with as much. And I definitely didn't expect to go that far on a first date, but... I'm glad I did.