Tango No. 1

By Disco

My first time... Alright.

My first time I was fifteen years old. I was going to go visit my dad with a friend of mine, I lived in Canada, she lived in Maine, and my dad lived in Texas. I went down for the weekend to my friend's place in Maine before we flew to Texas. That weekend, she had a boy over for the night - I'll call him Frankie. My friend had a major crush on Frankie, but he became much more interested in me and we fooled around when she was out of the room. But, I didn't want to lose my virginity, I had wanted to wait at least a couple more years.

Then, the two of us went to Texas and it was very dramatic. My father is highly emotionally/psychologically abusive and she saw that for the first time (thus beginning to understand me,) and then I was molested by his then-'boyfriend' (a straight man who had sex with him in exchange for being bought alcohol) in a pool.

So, reeling from lack of control in all of these situations, we go back to Maine and I decide I must take control of what people do to my body. I must have the say in who touches me where, and when I want to do what. I just needed to do something to assert some kind of control. So I got Frankie to sleep with me, because I thought it was my decision and I had the control.

We didn't use a condom. We were interrupted three times by her mother. We never even took our clothes off, he just pushed my panties to one side. Worst of all, there was cat hair everywhere and it kept getting on our mouths and eyes... I regretted it immediately afterward and did not have sex again until...

I went to university. I got high. I got drunk. I fucked a guy, we'll call him George. George fell madly in love with me after this - I woke up the next day like 'God, I had sex with George? What the fuck?' I thought nothing else would happen.

For the record, I was also in a very very disturbed mental state, this is around the time I hardly ever left my room, I wrote on my walls during panic attacks, I was still a cutter, I had attempted suicide a couple times, I thought everybody hated me - I was in a bad way.

So George falls madly in love with me, and two mutual friends begin begging me on his behalf to give him a chance and date him, please, won't I, please, he really likes you, and blah blah. I felt like they were saying, we're his friends, not yours, we care how he feels, not you, and we won't be your friends if you don't do this. So I did it.

After I started dating him, I found out I took his virginity - something I told myself I would never do to somebody - and he had had a girlfriend at the time and left her to be with me. Our relationship was miserable, barely lasted, and I wish I had been a stronger person at the time to tell these people to fuck off. I tried very hard to feel a connection to him, I tried everything I could to forge one and I couldn't. So, I broke it off. He didn't speak to me for three months.

So, that's how I gave my virginity and took a virginity. I wish I had waited. I wish George hadn't have been such a tool and had waited for his own girlfriend, who he later went back to. Basically, I think losing your virginity should be like getting a tattoo. Think about it, think about it hard and for a long time and remember that this memory, and this person, is going to be a part of you for the rest of your life. Make it worth it. Don't lose your virginity because you don't want to be the last one left, or because you just want to start having sex, as opposed to being in a relationship or love. Do it because it means something, because no matter what, it's going to be a meaningful moment that you have to carry forever. Don't rush into it.

Virginity?

By Glitterbella

Not important in my book, to be honest. I didn't think much about it when I had it, and I felt the same after loosing it. It was something to get rid of, and not look back. And until now, besides a few drunken moments with friends, I really can't say that I have thought much about since.

I barely remember it, to be blunt, I know I was 16, I believe he was 22. It was the only time we had sex.

I remember the bare mattress, that he loved me, and that I thought him a fool. He was caring, and gentle, but we were abruptly (and quickly- by which I mean maybe 2 thrusts) interrupted by his mother coming home. After franticly throwing on clothes, I remember going to the bathroom, where the unflushed toilet was littered with cigarette butts. I recall going to a friends birthday party later that night and not being able to tell her because her parents were in the room. A few days later, I asked my Doctor for Depo Provra, and at the same time asked her if it counted.

I broke up with him less then 2 weeks later.

The next time I thought about virginity was when I started dating a guy who was a virgin. He said he was ok with the fact that I was not a virgin (a lie, as he would throw it in my face anytime we fought.) Within a month of us dating, I took his virginity. I don't remember the specifics, except that it happened near Valentines day, it was the only time we attempted safe sex, and it lasted longer then expected. And was more emo then when I lost mine. He cried, I'm pretty sure.

I don't know why I didn't consider it important. Maybe because in my Mothers' attempt at giving me a practical sexual education (Thanks Mum!) she didn't mention virginity AT ALL, which, as a she is a religious woman (much more then me, but much less then her Mother) is sort of shocking, now that I think about it. She didn't talk about marriage at all, as far as I recall, just gave me the book to look over myself, and explained somethings about pregnancy. She also, at some point told me it was “ok to touch myself, but only in private.” I think that comment stemmed from spending to much time in the bathroom (reading, no doubt, haha.) Best advice she's ever given :)

Virginity. The virgin. The Virgo (ME!)

BY XTC

Oh, the virgin. Just hearing that word sends off countless societal clichés. In today’s world, in many cases, virginity does not appear to be a very big deal. It’s moreso... a disposable inconvenience. However, throughout history, virginity is something that has been both glorified and honoured.

In relation to last week’s blog, I do not believe that virginity is something that should be saved for one particular person as some form of a “gift” to them. This virginity is YOURS girls, yours! When and if you chose to lose it, it should be something that is for yourself, not anybody else.

Throughout high school, I was always known as “the virgin”. Coming from a city that has the highest teen pregnancy rate in comparison to the population in all of Canada, being a virgin was not exactly a common occurrence. In fact, one of my worst mid-teen memories involves a friend of mine telling me that if I went to university a virgin, everybody was going to laugh at me.

Now, I was not opposed to the idea of having sex. In all honesty, the last thing that I wanted to do was save myself for that perfect guy. I was far too petrified of waiting and then just getting played or being hurt in the end. I suppose that sometimes people are afraid to treasure something in fear that they may lose that treasure. My ideal situation was to lose it to somebody who I was, of course, sexually attracted to, and trusted, but was merely just a friend; no commitment or expectations.

That certain ideal guy just never came around during my younger years. I thought that I had found him once, but that sort of fell through in a matter that would turn out to be slightly tragic.

Eventually, the opportunity did arise. Following a Cancer Bats concert I went to go hang out with a friend who I used to have a tad bit of a crush on and hadn’t seen in quite a long time. That was the night. And trust me; it was not anything close to a fairy tale.

There were a number of things that went wrong. So, I feel that the only proper way of acknowledging them is by making a list of the ones which I clearly remember (compare this to David Letterman if you wish):

10. Not having any control whatsoever.
9. His temporary roommate (who years later turned out to be a total douche) drunkenly barging into the room during foreplay and demanding to watch TV.
8. Having to leave to travel to another province for a very Christian family wedding almost immediately afterward.
7. The uncomfortable pain.
6. Missing a period/spotting.
5. Mr. FirstTime not being able to keep it up.
4. Not seeing him again until about one year later.
3. The condom being way too big.
2. Having sex again approximately one week later and realizing that the virginity may have not been completely broken afterall...
1. Hannah Montana on in the background.

With all of this being said, I still do not completely regret my decision. It was what it was. At least I can look back on it and not feel heartbreak, or any feeling or betrayal.