Textuality

by Disco

My experience with photo sharing/sexting/phone sex/&c. has thus far only been with one person. And so I think it's time I told the story of the man I will call Jack.

I fell in love with Jack in December of 2008. Jack fell in love with me in February of 2009. We dated until April 2009, and broke up, then reunited until I believe January 2010, when we broke up again. And then! Reunited again! [Yes, we're one of those] until Jack fell out of love with me in March 2010. Well, I say that, but he said he didn't know how he felt. Which is what had happened back in April 2009 - and seems to happen when he gets very overwhelmed with other areas of his life.

It was awful, we both cried, I didn't really talk to him for two months. Then, his graduation. I went to his graduation because I had made the promise to, and I went to the little cocktail party he had afterward with his family and some of our friends. I had to leave to the bathroom over and over, crying, and eventually he came back and told me to come up in a couple days and we'll talk about everything before he left (he moved back to British Columbia.) I went up that day, May 22nd, and we made a deal to 'try to try again' in a year. We also had great sex.

The thing is, the sex part hasn't stopped since that day. We have had phone sex twice since then, we've had numerous cyber sex encounters, and several picture exchanges including a promise of pictures for his birthday which I am considering backing out of... But here you can see the context of my experiences with technosex.

Since I began going to school, and he began working, we hardly ever talk to each other. And I now realise I was totally attached to our non-physical sexual relationship. Even if I knew I had no claim to him emotionally, and no real claim to his monogamy physically, I knew he wanted me. I still know he wants me - he makes it rather plain - but the long periods without talking make it feel like... I don't know. It's a confusing situation.

I will admit that over a summer period when he went back to BC and I was still on the other side of the country, we also took part in a NPS relationship and it was great. I'm definitely not saying that it's not awesome.

But I am saying that it can carry the same emotional baggage and can create the same emotional baggage as regular sexual encounters, in my opinion. Sex is, to most people, intimate. Maybe not romantically intimate but it's something you don't share with everybody. A certain level of trust is involved - and especially when you're sharing pictures and the like with somebody who could use those to expose you anytime down the line in your career or marriage or anything. So... obviously these girls were right - the lovely Glitterbella and XTC let me know they thought my continuing of the sexual side of my relationship was a big mistake - but am I going to stop? I don't know.

I do want to stop scratching this scab and let that wound heal. But more than that, I love him and I don't want to lose him for good.

Edit: Talked to Jack since making this post, we've cleared the air and I feel alright about the situation again. Also, we then had really good cyber sex. Gotta go change my sheets!

Non-physical Sex? Yes please!

By Glitterbella

Sorry this was late....there was some booze related activities last night!

I'll get this out there right now. I LOVE non-physical sex (or NPS for short). Sure I love the real stuff more, but NPS is kinda sexy and theres a bit of riskiness to it. Plus, it can make up for a lover that isn't skilled the the bedroom department. Or is traveling/living in a different city.

There are several kinds of NPS, cyber sex (Cybering) cam shows, phone sex and sexting. I don't enjoy is sexting as much as the others, but it can certainly help pass the time, particularly if your somewhere where the others are not an option. Like at work, hehehe.

I don't know why, but I've always loved cybering. Since way before I should have I was on line in chat rooms. It feels sexy and dangerous and sort of forbidden at the same time. I honestly enjoy cyber sex or even phone sex more then masturbating without it. Cybering is best done over IM like MSN or Yahoo, if you know the person, or by googling Adult chat rooms if your looking for some one to play with. Related (sort of) to cybering is Cam shows. These are fun, but I don't find the penis to be very arousing when its on cam. Sorry Gents. I did one last week with a male friend of mine (Soon to be more?? Maybe!) and it was fun. Wish MSN had played along. But since it didn't, I now have an actual recording of him – and he has one of me. Normally this would bother me, but since it wasn't exactly my face, I'll deal.

As for phone sex, I enjoy it enough that I considered signing up to be a phone sex operator. But then I was like, what if it ruins it for me? What if doing it with strangers all day takes away from my personal enjoyment? My current “thing” doesn't like it, so I haven't done it in a while, so maybe I will sign up - who knows, it would be an experience! And would help pay for the 3 bedroom my roommate and I want.

Sort of related is also my writing fanfiction. SMUTTY SMUTTY fanfiction ;) I don't know how per say it's related but it feels weird leaving it out...Maybe we should have a week talking about sex and technology?

I've been told that doing these sorts of things makes me a slut. I don't really care - I don't do them for other people, I do them for ME. I enjoy them. And that's what matters.

Phonography - Yup, There Are Even Pop Songs 'Bout It!

By XTC

Proceed with caution: We’re all honest individuals here. I am going to warn you, prior to reading this blog entry, that I am going through an intense period of PMS right now. I was supposed to begin my period today but haven’t so far and it’s just pretty bad. Tonight I have cried to random happy songs, laughed hysterically at a video of a kitten getting hit by a bigger cat, and had the urge to beat the shit out of somebody. I’m not a violent person. I need new birth control pills. Ones with better regulators... I also dislike these hot flashes. They suck. ANYWAYS I just thought that I would warn you of this because it mayyyy come across in my entry.

So! Sex through technology. What isn’t through technology now? Seriously. I did a little bit of research on this topic using recent news. Guess how I found those news articles – on the internet.

(I mayyyy be kind of distracted with texting people about how horny I am right now, but it fits well with the topic, so I’ma stick to it...)

First of all: What IS non-physical sex? Obviously it includes various forms of sexual interaction through methods other than physical contact, such as telephone, texting, the internet, etc. I’m not sure what the dictionary definition is, such a thing is kind of hard to define, but I consider it to include both discussion sexual matters though words, such as explaining what you would like to do to the other person, etc., or sending/receiving sexual photographs.

I came across an article discussing how the city of New York is in the progress of implementing a new school policy to help prevent sexting and cyber bullying.

Clearly, cyberbullying is an ever-growing phenomenon that needs to have action taken against it. But sexting? Is it really THAT big of an issue? (PS: If you haven’t already figured it out, sexting involves sending sexually explicit text messages.)

The punishment that they are proposing is rather severe. Students caught sexting can receive not only a board meeting with their parents but an expulsion from the school for up to 90 days. Clearly such a punishment would have a huge effect on their personal life and school performance.

Although this may seem within decent regulation it must most importantly be noted that these are not small children who are receiving such strict punishments for this act; it is high school students as well, ages 16, 17, 18, etc. I have to ask – If you are at an age where it is legal to have sex who the hell has the right to tell you you’re not allowed to do it via cell phone?

Oh, it gets even worse! Not only is this punishment applicable if you sext on school property, but if you do so off of school time as well! That’s right, even students on summer vacation can be accused and punished if somebody was to report them to the school the following school year.

Naturally, this draws a HUGE line between rules that are in place to enforce that school is merely an educational environment and an invasion of one’s personal privacy and personal rights. I, myself, think that it is complete and utter bullshit. It is ridiculous rules such as this that make teenagers resent school and education in general.

A link to the full article can be found here:
http://wcbstv.com/local/sexting.nyc.sexting.2.1760507.html
But you can also find more info by simply doing a google or youtube search on the topic. As I’m sure you can imagine, there are a lot of opinions circling around this.

In all honesty, I find the occasional raunchy text conversation very beneficial in helping a long night at work fly by.